An instant later, Jason was beside her, pressing her face to his shoulder.

Noel, oh, God, sweetheart, I shouldn t be doing this to you: '

She held his shoulders in a death grip. "You didn't do it. I-it's in myhead. The problem's in my head. Please ' I want to fix it "

"I know.. . I know."

"I'm so frightened. I-I can't tell what's real. Is any ,"

"Yes." qq'" qiis body was an anchor, keeping her steady, keeping moored to

sanity. " You said I wouldn't believe you," qwhispered. " But you have totell me what's wrong. " " Jqnheld her tighter. "It looks like you've gottwo of memories for the same time period. Some that inme , and some thatdon't. And the memories in all the emotions that go along with them."rqqffhat sounded so crazy, yet she clutched at the expla ' n. She knew itwas right. "Yes," she whispered. The bk entries were both there, like aforged set of led side by side with the real thing; the only reason she thediscrepancies was that Jason had forcerl ,rqGo audit both sets of books. Sheraised her head so she meet her husband's eyes. "Two sets of memories. ?You said I'm not losing my mind "

"You're. not! " =q'Then how? " q.Frye has a technique for putting stuffinto people's stared at him uncomprehendingly. " But why? " : has reasonsfor wanting you to trust me."

She didn't fully understand what he was saying, yet it explained so much. "

" What actually happened, " he continued, " "is that you came over to England alone. You were stopped at customs They were taking you for questioning when one of Montgomery's men caught up to them."

" No ! " She didn't want that to be true.

He held her gaze unwaveringly, and after a long, heavy silence, he said, "So perhaps you'd better worry about where all the warm, tender thoughts you're having about me are really coming from."

She shook her head. Her thoughts might be mixed up, but in all theuncertainty one constant had remained,q Jason. Her husband. The man sheloved and trusted. "Don't take that away from me."

"Noel, don't you undersxand?" The self-accusation in his voice tore at herheart. "I could hurt you-" " " Never. "

He stood up, walking away, deliberately putting the width of the room between them. With a sweep of his hand he spoke in exasperated tones. "Noel, you keep:; seeing me in some sort of guardian-angel role, but I'm at lot more sinner than saint."

"It's not just memories," she countered. "It's here now. Us. Together. AmI imagining this? The way I f about you. The way you feel about me. I seehow y keep looking at me. You want to hold me. You want tell me everything,but you won't let yourself."

His back was to her, and she barely caught the si word he uttered. "Yes."

"Then don't torture us both because you're afraid hurting me. it's the other way around."

He turned to face her, his eyes locking with hers. saw the muscle jumping in

his cheek. Saw the dark . that sparked in the depth of his eyes. All at once, she ught-headed, as if all the air had been sucked out of the room and there was nothing left to breathe.

Slowly she came up off the bed and crossed the distance between them, her arms stealing around his waist and herq cheek pressing against his chest. She was half afraid he'd pull away. When he didn't, her hands tugged at the shirttails tucked into his tight jeans until they were fqee and she could splay her fingers over his warm bare otin. She'd wanted to feel it for so long. Her fingers qmwed, and he shuddered. q,. Noel swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. "Just pro 'lqCt me from the other guys. Not you," she whispered, her head and brushing a kiss across his lips. q;qq shadoov of doubt still clouded his gaze. She did her to kiss it away. qqVV'ith a primitive sound deep in his throat, he began to q the kiss, his hands moving hungrily over her neck ow, she thought. Now. He can't stop now. ut he did, and a hollow place seemed to open up in her soul. od looked anxiously into Jason's eyes. His gaze was qly possessive-and very troubled. qac finger traced the outline of his lips. "There's never anyone I wanted except you: ' Gq in a ragged breath, his chest pressing against q'q, God, Noel. You think you know me, but you i're wrong. I know everything I need to know. " ouldn't do this, but. sweetheart, I've wanted you " y Bqng in, he took charge, kissing her with a slow q'5' uqgency that made her head spin and her body more. His hands followed her curves downward qvely on her hips, drawing her close to the She felt his hands as they stroked over her naked back, down her spine, across her hips. When he found the bruises she'd acquired earlier, she winced.

"You're sore."

"Just a little. From when I fell. But don't stop, please."

He was more gentle with his touch, but the tips of his fingers swept fire across her skin.

"Good. That's so good."

"God, yes."

She clung to him, savoring every touch, every sensation he could give her-storing memories that would replace the jumble in her mind. If nothing else was real, she had this night with the man she loved.

She was indeed looking up into his eyes when he entered her. He gazed down at her with a heated passion that stole her breath awaq. Then he was moving inside her, saying her name over and over as the tempo escalated Her body moved with his, quickened with his, and she felt a deep sense of homecoming along with the intensifying pleasure. She remembered this. Being with him like this. His body covering hers, moving inside hers. Trust, love, a profound sense of well-being merged as the physical sensations built.

She reached the peak, holding him tightly and calling out his name. The joy was complete when she felt him follow her over the edge into a world of pure, blinding sensation.

Chapter Nine.

For long moments, Jason held Noel, kissed her, telling himself this was for her.

She knit her fingers with his as if that would keep him 'there beside her.

"Oh, Jason, I love you so much. I knew it would be Wee that again," she murmured.

He didn't say anything. There was nothing he could :qy. q "I wish we could lie here like this forever." q His arm tightened around her. "I love you, too."

"I thought I'd never hear you say that again. Now I qow everything is going to be all right ." q= He wished he could agree. He couldn't get the lie past qre lump in his throat. Instead, he pulled the bedclothes ttp around them and held her tightly, nuzzling his lips Iqainst her hair. He felt like a wanderer who had finally Dqe home from a long, perilous journey. Home to the Iq of the woman he loved. qq'q qed," she whispered. q qqci.....-, , ron't let me go. " won't: '

She trailed off, then began again as something else surfaced' Before we left. There was a little Greek restaurant In Baltimore. Your cousin owns it. We went to tell him we were getting married, and he was so happy about it. He gave us dinner, and after the place closed, there was a pretty wild celebration: A smile flickered on her lips. "They introduced me to an old Greek custom-smashing drinking glasses on the floor to show you're happy. You were throwing them down. And your uncle was sweeping them into the corner. And everybody was dancing, together in a circle. I didn't know the steps, but you taught me: '

He stared at her in disbelief. " " You. . that's one of your memories? " " "How could I forget it? "

He swallowed painfulljq. "Noel, I'm sorry. You don't know how much I wish it were all tq But five years ago I was in Honduras-not Baltimore."

Noel sat up and covered her ears, as if she were trying to hold together a fragile mosaic assembled in her head. Jason came up beside her, reached over and pulled her hands down to rest on his shoulders.

"Stop it. Why are you doing this to me?"

"To save your life." He lifted her chin so that she was forced to look at him. "Noel, listen to me. You're clinging to a set of false recollections because that's part of what Sir Douglas wants you to do "

"No " She tried to twist away.

"You have to listen." He took her by the shoulders. " " Sir Douglas calls himself the Sovereign because he's more powerful than the ruler of any country. And he's absolutely ruthless. He makes his living buying and; stealing information. Sometimes he sells it back to that:: original owner. Sometimes he uses it for blackmail. q times he auctions it off to the highest bidder. Or when it suits his purposes, he simply delivers it into the hands that will do him the most good. Your uncle was one of his couriers. He carried information around the world conoealed in pieces of antique jewelry. "

Noel stared at him, her head swimming. Uncle Henry. And Jason. "You work for him," she breathed.

"When you're dishonorably discharged from the marines , you don't have a lot of job offers."

"You're telling me you work for a criminal." The words came out slowly, against her will. Merely saying them set up a pounding in her skull.

He winced. " " I work for a man who was willing to take mein when the U. S. government made damn sure I wasn't going to get a job with anyone else. "

Silence filled the little room. Despite the pain and the fear and the lingering confusion in her mind, she struggled to hold on to the truth. Jason had said she didn't lmoqv him. She hadn't dreamed the extent of her ignorance or naivetq.

He was watching her face intently. "Do you understand ?" he asked.

Sq nqded, not trusting herself to speak.

"So now that we've gotten through the preliminaries, we can get to the really bad part," he said in a flat voice.

"I thought that was the bad part."

"It's not as bad as Sir Douglas's private research lab in Stvitzerland-where a group of warped scientists is cariying out mind-control experiments: '

Noel felt as if someone had thrown open the window, lqting a chill breeze into the room.

Jason went on. "They started working with dogs, imting electrodes in their heads to control their acq - " I'hen they moved on to primates. I'm not sure if they had any human guinea pigs in the early stages. Maybe Frye was waiting for a less invasive procedure. But I do know the experimenters turned their attention to memory because they decided that might be the key to control. "

"What are you trying to tell me?" Noel whispered hoarsely.

"I've been racking my brain trying to piece together everything I can about those damn experiments. And I hate to have to say this, but-" He hesitated, swiping the dark hair back from his forehead. "Sweetheart, I think Sir Douglas had someone put an implant in your head."

In the face of her mute horror, Jason drew in a ragged breath. "Maybe at first he was only using it to confuse your thoughts-or make you feel compelled to take this trip to England. Now I'mq pretty sure it's sending false information to your brain."

Noel felt as if someone had slapped a fistful of ice against the back of her neck. A shiver ran down her spine, the cold seeping into her bones.

"No!"

Jason's hands soothed over her shoulders, but the contact brought no comfort. "Oh, Noel, I wish it weren't true. I wish I didn't have to make you believe it. re member when I found you huddled on the floor upstairs in Frye's cottage? It was after you saw the fake passport : '

"It's not a fake," Noel insisted, desperation coloring her voice.

The look Jason gave her was filled with apology. "Yes , it is. And you knew it. You knew it, and you were trying to run away because you didn't trust me. Then everything changed and you suddenly " remembered' we were married. "

Noel's lips moved, but no words came out. Slowly, almost against her own will, she traced the raised line of the scar at the back of her head. She'd done that before. As if she'd somehow known all the mental disturbances, all the confusion was coming from that spot.

"God.. . no." The protest welled up from deep in her soul.

Her mind. Her thoughts. What was hers? What was someone else's invention?

A wave of helpless terror coursed through her, and she began to shake uncontrollably. Jason took her back in his arms, sliding down under the covers with her, pressing her body against his, giving her his warmth.

"No. Oh, please, no."

"Noel, sweetheart, I think there's something we can do about it: ' She realized suddenly that he'd said the words more than once. "What?" she whispered.

"I'm hoping I can take it out."

"Oh, Jason, thank God." The relief was overwhelming "It could be dangerous."

"Becausq I'm not a doctor. And I wish I knew more qbout the damn device. I'm making assumptions. I'm guessing it's just under your skin because that would be the easiest thing to do. But what if I'm wrong?"

Her hands dug into his forearms. "Please, just get it sit of me! " q:. She heard him swallow. "When I do, you're not going q feel the same way about me."

" " Yes, I will. " qq'the good memories will be gone." His voice was with pain-and regret.

"No," she protested. "No, they won't be."

He was silent a moment before saying, "I wish I believed that: He took her face in his hands, looking at her as if he was memorizing her features. She stared at him just as intently. They hugged tightly. Then he eased out of the bed.

As she watched him walk naked across the room and reach for his duffel bag, the full impact of what he proposed to do hit her. Was he right? Would all these wonderful feelings of warmth and love for him be gone?

Making love with him had seemed so right. . so familiar She didn't want to discover they had never made love before. That they weren't married. Yet now the other memories, the ones she supposed were real, hovered like a cold, gaping darkness. As it opened up before her, Noel shrank away. She wanted her mind back again, but she was suddenly terrified to pay the price.

"Jason!"

He turned back toward her, and the look in his eyes was a mirror of her own anguish.

"You can't.. ." She swallowed hard. "You can't take it all away from me. Please. I want to remember last night "