She didn't want to ask any of the questions chasing each other around in her mind, but she had to know. "Am I dying? Is that what you're so worried about? Did that crack on my head cause some damage-or did it make me crqzy?" The last part came out as a little sob.

He swore roughly. "No."

She looked up pleadingly into his face. " " You wouldn't Iie to me, would you? "

"You're not dying! And you're not crazy! "

"Then why do I feel so-so-odd?" "

" Tell me what you feel. "

She tried to put it into words. "Sometimes I feel like I'm absolutely sure of everything, and I know who I am and who we are. Then with no warning, I'm not certain of anything: Her hands fluttered. " No, that's not right. I'll have a memory, and I don't know if it's the right one. Does that make any sense? "

"Yes."

"I'm so scared." The admission was barely above a whisper. Anxiously she watched his face for any sign that he was hiding the truth.

"I wish you hadn't been in your uncle's shop when those hoods came in."

"But it brought you back to me. "

"Yes." His jaw was rigid for several seconds. "And , nty we'll get through this together. "

She clung to the reassurance in his voice as she tight her arms around his neck and clung to his strong, solid body. "I love you so much. I'm so glad to have you back " "Everything's going to be okay. I promise."

Jasorr qrq NoEL protectively against his chest for long moments, because he didn't dare let her see the moisture gathering in his eyes. She had been through so damn much in her short life. And now this! When he finally had control of himself, he slung his arm around her shoulders and led her back to the house.

"We probably ought to see what we can put together for dinner."

"Dinner! I wasn't even thinking. Are you hungry?"

"Yeah," he lied. Getting a meal on the table would occupy them while he figured out what the hell to do about the device he was sure was implanted under her scalp. What he really needed to know was the scope of the thing's control. How much could Noel reason with the chip in place. And exactly what memories were being forced onto her without her consent. And why.

As they checked the larder, Jason made a monumental effort to keep the conversation light, giving Noel a chance to feel comfortable with him while he tried to dq termine what she thought was her real past and what wasn't.

"There's lamb chops in the fridge," he called out from behind the open door.

"No. Not after seeing all those cute little lambs in the fields." She was taking stock of the pantry. "Are you going to be happy with canned soup? They've got split pea and chicken noodle."

"Split pea. We can have it with cheese. There's some real English cheddar. And some white grapes."

"And crackers." Noel pulled out a box. "Only they're called biscuits."

Jason set the fruit in the sink and turned on the tap.

"Where did you get your paralegal degree?" he asked above the sound of the running water.

"Villa Julie. They have a great program. And I got a partial scholarship."

"I'll bet you did real well."

"Top ten percent of my class." The pride in her eyes faded. "Laura had to hire someone to take over for me "You'll be one hundred percent in no time at all," Jason soothed, cursing himself for introducing a subjeqt that was going to disturb her.

He let Noel set the table while he stared at the thick green soup he was stirring. What was it like to have some outside force stirring up your thoughts and your emotions , making you do things that were diametrically oppoq to your own best interests? Turning lies into truth w: and twisting reality until it was unrecognizable. Big Brother. Right in your head.

He had to stop himself from striding into the other ' room, grabbing Noel by the shoulders and trying to ex "q plain it to her. But if he gave in to the impulse to ease his conscience, Frye would have access to every word he said to her. The only way to keep the Sovereign in the dark was to take the damn controller out of her head.

Would all the mental disturbances go away if the implant was removed? Or was that precisely the wrong thing q to do? For starters, he was no surgeon. And he didn't qave all the details from Zurich.

Suppose he did get the damn thing out? When they got qqe l. ockwood, wouldn't Frye want to make sure his new toy was still in place? How was his trusted operative going to explain a fresh incision in Noel's scalp?

God, what a set of choices to face. Jason closed his eyes, feeling self-doubt twisting in his vitals like a piece of barbed wire. " " Is the soup ready? " Noel came up behind him and put a hand lightly on his shoulder.

He had to keep from going into a defensive posture. "Yeah. Get the bowls: '

As Noel opened one of the cabinets, he quickly exited the kitchen, snatching up the plate of cheqse and crackers on his way out the door.

He stopped short when he entered the dining alcove. She'd put fresh daffodils in a vase and found candles somewhere. Their flickering light was an added touch of warmth. Well, maybe they'd help hide his expressions, since he was having a hell of a time controlling his emotions When Noel came through to the dining alcove, he was safely ensconced on the other side of the gate leg table.

She set down the two bowls and pulled out the chair opposite him. They both unfolded napkins and began to eat, but Jason couldn't work up much enthusiasm for the food. And it looked as if Noel's appetite was about as meager as his.

After a couple of bites, Jason set down his spoon and toyed with one of the crackers. He'd been racking his brain trying to think of a devious way to assess her condition Maybe a direct approach would be better.

"You say you're having problems with q;ertain memories What about if you describe something to me, somothing that we both remember. We can see if the recollections match ."

"Yes." She took a deep breath. "Probably the thing we'd both remember best is our honeymoon."

He didn't trust himself to speak as he regarded her in the flickering candlelight. She was so beautiful, so desirable and so glad to be with him. In turn he could feel the need for her seeping through him.

Her face took on a dreamy look as she waited for him to say something. When he didn't, she continued. " " It was so nice of Uncle Henry to give us that week in Jamaica. "

So That's how a marine corporal was supposed to have qafforded a tropical vacation.

"I was so shy. Because I knew you were experienced and I-I hadn't been with anyone else before." She reached across the table and covered his hand with hers. "So you took me to dinner at that restaurant on the beach. We had champagne. Then you asked the band to play a string of slow songs. And we danoed out on the patio. There wasn't anyone else outside. Just us in the moonlight. You held me close, and told me how much you loved me- " her voice faltered momentarily " " and strokerl my back, and kissed my hair, and my ear, and my neck. "

While she spoke, he had turned his hand palm up. As if they had a will of their own, his fingers began to move against hers. The memory wasn't something he shared. But she was making him feel the scene- the two of them together, warm and close-making him long for the images to be true. He could feel his pulse accelerating wildly. He found the right spot at her wrist and felt hers , too. It was thumping in time with his own.

"You were so sexy. You knew just how to seduoe me. By the time the music quit, I wasn't sure I could make it back to our room under my own power." She slid her foot across the floorboards; finding his under the table and pressing. "Do you remember how you closed the door and leaned back against it and held me and started working the zipper down the back of my " Stop-" " "Am I telling it right? "

"Why did you pick that particular memory?" he asked thickly.

She brushed her fingers against his, and the contact points were like points of fire, heating his blood. "Because now I'm trying to seduce my husband,

since he's obviously reluctant to start anything."He could see she was bravely forcing herself to meet his eyes, and thevulnerability he saw in her face stole his breath. Somehow he managed tomake his voice work. "Noel, you didn't have to do that to make me want you: '

"Then why are you avoiding getting close to me?"

He pulled his hand away from hers, balling it into a fist. "Because I'm feeling guilty about this situation and about us: '

"Jason, you may be my husband and you may have come back to me, but being

together again isn't going to work unless you share your feelings with me."

"You're wrong. I'm not your husband "

Chapter Seven.

" What did you say?"

Noel felt as if she were a tightrope walker whose wire had just been slashed,

sending her plummeting into space. But when she saw the look of anguish that spread across Jason's face, she realized she wasn't the only one in pain. qqI mean," he began, his voice raw, " much as I'd like to take advantage of the situation, I don't have the right to claim any of the privileges of being your husband. "

"Why not?"

The house was deathly quiet. It had got dark while they'd been sitting at the table, and the candles were the only illumination in the dining alcove.

The wavering light acoented the harsh lines of his face. q'A husband wholeaves his wife is no husband. ""You left because you thought you were protecting ime. Now you're back, and we have the chance to start over: '"My life hasn't got any less dangerous," he said."Then why are we here together? What's going on?"At his look of withdrawal, she exploded. "For God's q, qll me!" ."I can't. I've already said more than I should have.""You haven't said anything. You're just making me more confused.""I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry."She waited for him to say something else-to feel something else. Sorry wasn't what she wanted. But his lips were clamped together as though Saint Peter himself couldn't pry them open.

"Well, then.. : She didn't know how to break the stalemate. But if he was going to leave things like this, she, couldn't sit here and take it any longer. " I'm going to bed. " " "Good night "

She wasn't sure what she'd expected. Certainly not that oddly mild, prosaic response. Somehow that was the last straw. Without further word, she headed for the stairs.

Fumbling in her suitcase, she found a nightgown, tossed it onto the beq and went into the bathroom. When she came back, she pickerl up the gown. It was pale green with little cap sleqves, and made of lightweight cotton. One of her old favorites. But not the sort of thing she would have chosen for a second honeymoon.

Maybe she hadn't had time to buy anything new.

Her brow wrinkled. Wouldn't she remember somq thing like that?

Shrugging, she got undressed and slipped between the covers. But once she'd plumped up the pillow, she realized she couldn't bear the idea of lying alone in the comfortable double bed. Not when she'd been picturing the two of them in it together- She choked off the thought before it could become any more graphic.

But she couldn't prevent tears from gathering behind her eyelids. Tears of hurt. And confusion.

Abruptly she sat up, swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. Feeling irrational and downright silly, she tiptoed across the hall and into the other room.

Once inside, Noel stood uncertainly, her eyes moving from the freestanding cupboard to the single bed against the wall and the rocking chair where Jason had held her on his lap when-when what?

She'd been on the floor. In here. Was that right?

Onceagain, the memory wouldn't come.

In the next instant, as if she-or someone else-had tuned the receiver to a different channel, her mind switched quickly to another topic. When she and Jason had come in, he'd put her things in one room and his in the other. He hadn't intended-he'd been assuming all along that they wouldn't sleep together.

Since they'd been out in the garden and come back inside , she hadn't been thinking at all about their arrival at the cottage. Now it came back to her in vivid detail.

And earlier. He'd chased her across a field. My Lord.

It was as if a door in her mind had suddenly opened, tlooding a dim corner with illumination. The truck driver. He'd been taking her to someone named Named what?

Noel squeezed her eyes shut, trying to bring the earlier part of the day into focus. It seemed like a million years qgo. Or like a memory that belonged to someone else.

She and Jason had left Baltimore together. That had to be true because they were here in England now.

As she tried to recall the detaiLs, she started to tremble Yet she simply couldn't picture Jason with her at the ticket counter or in the departure lounge at BWI. She qq: could remember her friend, Abby. Abby had given them q'a ride. Abby had parked while she'd gone into the terminal But she couldn't put Jason into the soene.

A pulse was pounding in her temple. like in the garden when she'd called out to him. The re Chaos alist knew the solace would only be temporary.

The word floated in her mind, bringing a sick, Needing to hold on to something, Noel gathered up wretched feeling. wads of the bedspread and clutched them in her hands.

She thrust it away and tried to proceed reasonably. A11 Forcing herself to let go, she slipped under the covers and right, she ordered herself, forget about the airport. What pulled them up to her chin. about the plane? On the plane, Jason had- She could hear Jason moving around downstairs, She caught a sudden image of them sitting together on clearing the table, putting dishes into the sink. Running their way to England. Talking about the trip. Laughing. water. So normal and natural sounding. A husband do Having a drink before dinner. The picture brought a rushing the kitchen chores because his wife was feeling ill. But of relief. would anything ever be normal and natural again?

Until she tried to remember what they'd talked about . and couldn't bring back a single shred of conversation. q soq of qsH voices snapped her from Sleep to The in-flight movie was a lot more vivid. alertness, every nerve in her body jangling. Men were Swaying on her feet, she qook several steps forward and qqg downstairs. " One of them was Jason. Was an landed on the bed. Cold sweat had bloomed on her skin othq' the person he d called earlier? Her eyes shot to the ' window as she remembered the escape attempt. Then her and she lay there panting for breath. aqnqon was pulled back to the lower floor by the sound Another attack. of a scuffle. Noel sat up in bed, her heart thumping No. It wasn't the same. 9vildly.

She tried to lie very still, comparing the way she felt qqqere's the girl? " y , g , now and the wa she d been feelin when she d had the q'Not here. You're too late." Jason's voice was louder P , , g earlier e is odes Then she d ima ined her head was a qan the questioner's. His answer ended in a kind of satellite receiver, and a special broadcast was being groan that made Noel go cold all over. Next came a beamed just to her. This was different. She'd already remuffled smashing noise like flesh being pounded. This ceived the program and stored it on tape. Now her brain qeq there was no reply at all from Jason. was having trouble playing it back correctly. Noel's heart leaped to her throat as she pictured her While she and Jason had been sitting at the table, he'd - husband slumped to the floor. reassured her about her mental state. Suddenly she felt as Someone had broken in. What were they doing to Jaif she'd fallen through a crevasse in a glacier-and there son? What would they do to her? was nothing around her but blinding white fear. "He's lying. You watch him. We'll find the bird."

Shivering violently, Noel looked toward the door. The q: There were more than two of them, Noel realized. terrified, insecure part of her wanted to run back down- q qq? Four? How many men would Montgomery send? stairs and seek the protection of her husband's arms- q'And how had they known where to find her?

Montgomery?

The name had jumped to the surface of her mind like a fish springing after bait, but she didn't have time to figure out where it had come from. She had to get away before they got her, too.

Someone began moving rapidly around the first floor, opening doors and knocking furniture about. There was no time to think, only to act. Noel leaped out of the bed and ran across the small room. She was in the act of pushing open the window sash when the image of a machine gun sprang into her mind.

Guns. She d seen them.

Where?

On the shelf of the cupboard.

Turning back, she threw open the door, pulled out the larger of the two weapons and slung the leather strap over her shoulder. Then she wiggled out the window, tearing the sleeve of her gown and scraping her shoulder and hip on the wood in her haste. Ignoring the pain, she listened to the racket of booted feet thumping on the stair treads.