Bala spoke like he was quoting from the Bible. Official research was probably written by hung-over MBA three years out of business school.

*Fine, what else?'

*The second important job is to develop a relationship. Tamilians love educated people. You, being from IIT and IIM, must develop a relationship with them.'

I nodded. I was the endangered species in the priority-banking zoo that customers could come throw bananas at.

*Now, it is going to be hard for you as you are...' Bala paused as if he came to a swear word in the conversation.

*Punjabi?'

*Yes, but can you befriend Tamilians?'

*I am trying to. I have to,' I said, wondering where I could call Ananya apart from her home number. If only these damn cell-phone prices would drop fast.

*Good. And the last thing is,' Bala moved forward to whisper, *these reps are quite lazy. Keep an eye on them. Anyone not doing their job, tell me.' He winked at me and stood up to leave. *And come to office early.'

*I came at seven-thirty. Isn't the official time nine?'

*Yes, but when I was your level, I came at seven. If you want to be like me, wake up, soldier,' Bala said and laughed at his own joke. The Tamil sense of humour, if there is any, is really an acquired taste.

I didn't want to be like him. I didn't even want to be here. I took a deep breath after he left and meditated on my salary package. You are doing it for the money,I told myself. Four lakh a year, that is thirty-three thousand a month,I chanted the mantra in my head. My father had worked in the army for thirty years and still never earned half as much. I had to push bubble stocks and the cash would be mine. Life isn't so bad, I said to myself.

*Sir, can I go to the toilet?' one female rep came to me.

*What?'

She looked at me, waiting for permission.

*What's your name?'

*Sri.'

*Where are you from?'

*Coimbatore,' she said, adjusting her oversized spectacles with cockroach- coloured borders. Fashion is not a Chennai hallmark.

*You went to college?'

*Yes sir. Coimbatore University, distinction, sir.'

*Good. Then why are you asking me for permission?'

*Just like that, sir.' She said.

*No one needs to ask me permission for going to the toilet,' I said.

*Thank you, sir.'

I read reports for the next two hours. Each one had financial models done my overenthusiastic MBAs who were more keen to solve equations than to question what they were doing. One table compared value of Internet companies with the number of visitors to the site. The recommended company had the lowest value to eyeball ratio, a trendy term invented by the analyst. Hence, BUY! screamed the report. Of course, the analyst never questioned that none of the site visitors ever paid any money to the Internet company. *It is trading cheap on every multiple conceivable!' the report said, complete with the exclamation mark.

*Sir, my customer is here. Can I bring them to you?' Sri requested well after her return from the toilet.

*Sure,' I said.

*Sir, this is Ms Sreenivas,' Sri said. A fifty-year-old lady with gold bangles thicker than handcuffs came to my cubicle. We moved to the sofa area, to give a more personal, living room feel as we robbed the customer.

*You are from IIT?' she peered at me.

*Yes,' I said even as I readied my pitch about which loss-making company to buy.

*Even my grandson is preparing for it,' she said. She had dark hair, with oil that made it shine more.

*You don't look old enough to have a grandson preparing for IIT,' I said.

Ms Sreenivas smiled. Sri smiled back at her. Yes, we had laid the mousetrap and the cheese. Walk in, baby.

*Oh no, I am an old lady. He is only in class six though.'

*How much is madam's balance?' I asked.

*One crore and twenty lakh, sir,' Sri supplied.

I imagined the number in my head; I'd need to work in this job for thirty years to get there. It almost felt right to part her from her money. *Madam, have you invested in any stocks? Internet stocks are cheap these days,' I said.

Ms Sreenivas gave me a worried look. *Stocks? Never. And my son works in an Internet company abroad. He said they might close down.'

*That's USA, madam. This is India, we have one billion population, or two billion eyeballs. Imagine the potential of the Internet. And we have a mutual fund, so you don't have to invest in any one company.'

We cajoled Ms Sreenivas for five minutes. I threw in a lot of MBA terms like strategic advantage, bottom-line vs. top line, top down vs. bottom up and it made me sound very intelligent. Ms Sreenivas and Sri nodded at whatever I said.

Ultimately, Ms Sreenivas agreed to nibble at toxic waste.

*Let's start with ten lakh,' I said to close the case.

*Five. Please, five,' Ms Sreenivas pleaded with us on how to use her own money.

I settled at five and Sri was ecstatic, I had become their favourite customer service manager.

Bala took me out for lunch at Sangeetha's, a dosa restaurant.

*What dosas do you have?' I asked the waiter.

*We have eighty-five kinds,' the waiter pointed to the board. Every stuffing imaginable to man was available in dosa form.

*Try the spinach dosa. And the sweet banana dosa,' Bala said as he smiled at me like the father I never had. *So, how does it feel, to get your first investment?

Heart pumping?'

My heart didn't pump. It only ached. I'd been in Chennai for fifteen hours and had not spoken to Ananya yet. I wanted to buy a cell-phone as soon as possible.

Wait, I'd need two.

*I see myself in you. You are like me,' Bala said as he dunked his first piece of dosa in sambhar. I had no clue how he reached that conclusion.

I had Ananya's home landline number. But, she didn't reach home until seven.

She had a sales field job so no fixed office number as well. I remembered how we'd finish lunch in campus and snuggle up for our afternoon nap. It is official, life after college sucks.

*Isn't this fun?' Bala said. *I get a rush every time I come to the bank. And it is twenty years. Wow, I still remember the day my boss first took me out for lunch.

Hey, what are you thinking? Stop work thoughts now. It is lunch-time.

*Of course,' I said and collected myself. *How far is HLL office from here?'

*Why? You have a potential client?' Bala asked as if the only reason people existed was to become priority banking customers.

*Possibly,' I said. One good thing about banking is that you don't feel bad about lying at all.

*It is in Nungambakkam. Apex Plaza,' he said.

The waiter reloaded our sambhar and delivered the banana dosa. The latter tasted like a pancake, and I have to say, wasn't bad at all. *Oh, that's where I am staying, right?'

*Yes, the Citi chummery. My first home too,' he leaned forward and patted my back.

I suppose I had a good boss. I should have felt happy but didn't. I wondered if I should call HLL first or straight land up there.

I came back to my desk in the afternoon. I met some customers, but most of them didn't have time to stay long. Ms Sreenivas had given me a lucky break, but it wasn't that easy to woo conservative Tamilians, after all.

*Fixed deposit. I like fixed deposit,' one customer told me when I asked him for his investment preferences.

At three in the afternoon, I had a call.

*It is for you, sir,' Sri said as she transferred the line to my extension.

*Hi, I'd like to open a priority account, with my hot-shot sexy banker.'

*Ananya?' I said, my voice bursting with happiness, *Where are you? When are we meeting? Should I come to HLL? I am sorry my flight...'

*Easy, easy. I am in Kancheepuram.'

*Where's that?'

*Three hours from Chennai. I'll head back soon. Why don't you come home for dinner?'

*Home? Your home? With your mom and dad?'

*Yes, why not? You have to know them anyway. Mom's a little low these days, but that is OK.'

*Why is she low? Because of us?'

*No, she finds other reasons to be miserable. Luckily, this time it has nothing to do with me.'

*Ananya, let's go out, OK?'

*I can't today. My aunt is visiting from Canada. Come at eight.' She gave me her address. I noted it down after making her spell it thrice. *See you in five hours,' she said and hung up.

I stared at the watch, hoping it would move faster. The reps left at six, and as Citi's great culture goes, MBAs never left until eight.

I killed time reading reports on the Indian economy. Smart people had written them, and they made GDP forecasts for the next ten years with confidence that his the basic fact a how can you really tell, dude?

At seven-thirty I stood up to leave. Bala came towards me. "Leaving?' he asked, puzzled as if I had planned to take a half day.

*Yeah,' I said. *Not much to do.'

*One tip, never leave before your boss,' he said and winked at me. He laughed, and I didn't find it funny at all. I want to see what a Tamil joke book looks like.

*What time do you leave?' I said, tired.

*Soon, actually let me call it a day. Kusum will be waiting. You want to come home for dinner?'

*No, thanks,' I said.

He gave me the second disappointed look.

*I have to go somewhere, distant relatives,' I said.

*Oh,' he said, his voice still a little sad.

I am sorry dude, I am not handing you the remote of my life because you are my boss, I thought.

17.