A Receipt To Make A Lord.

Occasioned by a late report of a promotion.(645)

Take a man, who by nature's a true son of earth,'

By rapine enriched, though a beggar by birth; In genius the lowest, ill-bred and obscene; In morals most Wicked, most nasty in mien; By none ever trusted, yet ever employed; In blunders quite fertile, in merit quite void; A scold in the Senate, abroad a buffoon, The scorn and the jest of all courts but his own: A slave to that wealth that ne'er made him a friend, And proud of that cunning that ne'er gain'd an end; A dupe in each treaty, a Swiss in each vote; In manners and form, a complete Hottentot.

Such an one could you find, of all men you'd commend him; But be sure let the curse of each Briton attend him.

thus fully prepared, add the grace of the throne, The folly of monarchs, and screen of a crown-- Take a prince for his purpose, without ears or eyes, And a long parchment roll stuff'd brimful of lies: These mingled together, a fiat shall pa.s.s, and the thing be a Peer, that before was an a.s.s.

The former copy I think you will like: it was written by one Mr.

Ashton (646) on Mr. West, two friends of mine, whom you have heard me often mention. The other copy was printed in the Common Sense, I don't know by whom composed: the end of it is very bad, and there are great falsities in it, but some strokes are terribly like!

I have not a moment to thank the Grifona, nor to answer yours of June 17, N. S. which I have this instant read. Yours, in great haste.

(644) See ante, pp. 121, (Letter 1), 251, (Letter 65).

(645) The report, mentioned in a preceding letter, that Horace Walpole, brother to Sir Robert, was created a peer.

(646)Thomas Ashton, afterwards fellow of Eton College. [See ant'e, p. 128, Letter 6, footnote 153.)

271 Letter 76 To Sir Horace Mann.

London, July 7, 1742.

Well! you may bid the Secret Committee good night. The House adjourns to-day till Tuesday, and on Thursday is to be prorogued. Yesterday we had a bill of Pultney's, about returning officers and regulating elections: the House was thin, and he carried it by 93 to 92.

Mr. Pelham was not there, and Winnington did not vote, for the gentleman is testy still; when he saw how near he had been to losing it, he said loud enough to be heard, "I will make the gentlemen of that side feel me!" and, rising up, he said, "He was astonished, that a bill so calculated for the freedom of elections was so near being thrown out; that there was a report on the table, which showed how necessary such a bill was, and that though we had not time this year to consider what was proper to be done in consequence of it, he hoped we should next,"-with much to the same purpose; but all the effect this notable speech had, was to frighten my uncle, and make him give two or three shrugs extraordinary to his breeches. They now say,(647) that Pultney will not take out the patent for his earldom, but remain in the House of Commons in terrorem; however, all his friends are to have places immediately, or, as the fashion of expressing it is, they are to go to Court in the Bath coach!"(648)

Your relation Guise (649) is arrived from Carthagena, madder than ever. As he was marching up to one of the forts, all his men deserted him; his lieutenant advised him to retire; he replied, "He never had turned his back yet, and would not now," and stood all the fire. When the pelicans were flying over his head, he cried out, "What would Chloe (650) give for some of these to make a pelican pie!" When he is brave enough to perform such actions as are really almost incredible, what pity it is that he should for ever persist In saving things that are totally so!

Lord Annandale (651) is at last mad in all the forms: he has long been an out-pensioner of Bedlam College. Lord and Lady Talbot,(652) are parted; he gives her three thousand pounds a-year. Is it not amazing, that in England people will not find out that they can live separate without parting? The Duke of Beaufort says, "He pities Lord Talbot to have met with two such tempers as their two wives!"

Sir Robert Rich (653) is going to Flanders, to try to make up an affair for his son; who, having quarrelled with a Captain Vane, as the commanding officer was trying to make it up at the head of the regiment, Rich came behind Vane, "And to show you," said he, "that I will not make it up, take that," and gave him a box on the ear. They were immediately put in arrest; but the learned in the laws of honour say, they must fight, for no German officer will serve with Vane, till he has had satisfaction.

Mr. Harris,(654) who married Lady Walpole's mother, is to be one of the peace-offerings on the new altar. Bootle is to be chief-justice; but the Lord Chancellor would not consent to it, unless Lord Glenorchy,(655) whose daughter is married to Mr. Yorke, had a place in lieu of the Admiralty, which he has lost-he is to have Harris's. Lord Edgec.u.mbe's, in Ireland, they say, is destined to Harry Vane,(656) Pultney's toad-eater.

Monticelli lives in a manner at our house. I tell my sister that she is in love with him, and that I am glad it was not Amorevoli. Monticelli dines frequently with Sir Robert, which diverts me extremely; you know how low his ideas are of music and the virtuosi; he calls them all fiddlers.

I have not time now to write more, for I am going to a masquerade at the Ranelagh amphitheatre: the King is fond of it, and has pressed people to go; but I don't find that it will be full. Good night! All love to the Pope for his good thing.

(647) Sir R. W. to defeat Pultney's ambition persuaded the ++King to insist on his going into the House of Lords: the day he carried his patent thither, he flung it upon the floor in a pa.s.sion, and could scarce be prevailed on to have it pa.s.sed. ["I remember," says Horace Walpole, (Reminiscences), "my father's action and words when he returned from court, and told me what he had done - 'I have turned the key of the closet on him!' making that motion with his hand."]

(648) His t.i.tle was to be Earl of Bath.

(649) General Guise, a, very brave officer, but apt to romance; and a great connoisseur in pictures. (He bequested his collection of pictures, which is a very indifferent one, to christ church College, Oxford.-D.)

(650) the duke of Newcastle's French cook.

(651) George Johnstone, third Marquis of Annandale, in Scotland. He was not declared a lunatic till the year 1748. Upon his death, in 1792, his t.i.tles became either extinct or dormant.-D.

(652) Mary, daughter of Adam de Cardonel, secretary to John the great Duke of Marlborough, married to William, second Lord Talbot, eldest son of Lord Chancellor Talbot.-D.

(653) Sir Robert Rich, Bart., of Rose Hall, Suffolk. At his death, in 1768, he was colonel of the fourth regiment of dragoons, governor of Chelsea Hospital, and field-marshal of the forces.-E.

(654) This article did not prove true. Mr. Harris was not removed, nor Bootle made chief-justice.

(655) John Campbell, Lord Glenorchy, and, on his father's death, in 1752, third Earl of Breadalbane. His first wife was Lady Amiable Grey, eldest daughter and coheir of the Duke of Kent. By her he had an only daughter, Jemima, who, upon the death of her grandfather, became Baroness Lucas of Crudwell, and Marchioness de Grey. She married Philip Yorke, eldest son of the Chancellor Hardwicke, and eventually himself the second duke of that t.i.tle.-D.

(656) Henry Vane, eldest son of Gilbert, second Lord Barnard, and one of the tribe who came into office upon the breaking up of Sir Robert Walpole's administration. He was created Earl of Darlington in 1753, and died in 1758.-D.

273 Letter 77 To Sir Horace Mann.

Downing Street, July 14, 1742.

Sir Robert Brown(657) is displaced from being paymaster of something, I forget what, for Sir Charles Gilmour, a friend of Lord Tweedale.(658) Nee Finch (659) is made groom of the bedchamber, which was vacant; and Will Finch (660) vice chamberlain, which was not vacant; but they have emptied it of Lord Sidney Beauclerc.(661) Boone is made commissary-general, in Hurley's room, and JefFries(662) in Will Stuart's. All these have been kissing hands to-day, headed by the Earl of Bath. He went into the King the other day ",it this'long list, but was told shortly, that unless he would take up his patent and quit the House of Commons, nothing should be done-he has consented. I made some of them very angry; for when they told me who had kissed hands, I asked, if the Pretender had kissed hands too, for being King? I forgot to tell you, that Murray is to be solicitor-general, in Sir John Strange's place, who is made chief justice, or some such thing.(663)

I don't know who it was that said it, but it was a very good answer to one who asked why Lord Gower had not kissed hands sooner--"the Dispensation was not come from Rome."(664)

I am writing to you up to the ears in packing: Lord Wilmington has lent this house to Sandys, and he has given us instant warning; we are moving as fast as possible to Siberia,-Sir Robert has a house there, within a few mile,, of the Duke of Courland; in short, child, we are all going to Norfolk, till we can get a house ready in town: all the furniture is taken down, and lying about in confusion. I look like St.

John in the Isle of Patmos, writing revelations, and prophesying "Woe! woe! woe! the kingdom of desolation is at hand!" -indeed, I have prettier animals about me, than he ever dreamed of: here is the dear Patapan, and a little Vand.y.k.e cat, with black whiskers -ind boots; you would swear it was of a very ancient family, in the West of England, famous for their loyalty.

I told you I was going to the masquerade at Ranelagh gardens, last week: it was miserable; there were but an hundred men, six women, and two shepherdesses. The King liked it,--and that he might not be known, they had dressed him a box with red damask! Lady Pomfret and her three daughters were there, all dressed alike, that they might not be known. My Lady said to Lady Bel Finch,(665) who was dressed like a nun, and for coolness had cut off the nose of her mask, "Madam, you are the first nun that ever I saw without a nose!"

As I came home last night, they told me there was a fire in Downing Street; when I came to Whitehall, I could not get to the end of the street in my chariot, for the crowd; when I got out, the first thing I heard was a man enjoying himself: "Well! if it lasts two hours longer, Sir Robert Walpole's house will be burnt to the ground!" it was a very comfortable hearing! but I found the fire was on the opposite side of the way, and at a good distance. I stood in the crowd an hour to hear their discourse: one man was relating at how many fires he had happened to be present, and did not think himself at all unlucky in pa.s.sing by, just at this. What diverted me most, was a servant-maid, who was working, and carrying pails of water, with the strength of half-a-dozen troopers, and swearing the mob out of her way-the soft creature's name was Phillis! When I arrived at our door, I found the house full of goods, beds, women, and children, and three Scotch members of parliament, who lodge in the row, and who had sent in a saddle, a flitch of bacon, and a bottle of ink. There was no wind, and the house was saved, with the loss of only its garret, and the furniture.

I forgot to mention the Dominichin last post, as I suppose I had before, for I always was for buying it; it is one of the most engaging pictures I ever saw. I have no qualms about its originality; and even if Sir Robert should not like it when it comes, which is impossible, I think I would live upon a flitch of bacon and a bottle of ink, rather than not spare the money to buy it myself: so my dear Sir, buy it.

Your brother has this moment brought me a letter: I find by it, that you are very old style with relation to the Prussian peace. Why, we have sent Robinson (666) and Lord Hyndford (667) a green ribbon, for it, above a fortnight ago. Muley, (as Lord Lovel calls him,) Duke of Bedford, (668) is, they say, to have a blue one, for making his own peace: you know we always mind home-peaces more than foreign ones.

I am quite sorry for all the trouble you have had about the Maltese cats; but you know they were for Lord Islay, not for myself. Adieu! I have no more time.

(657) Sir Robert Brown had been a merchant at Venice, and British resident there, for which he was created a baronet in 1732. He held the place at this time of" "paymaster of his Majesty's works, concerning the repairs, new buildings, and well-keeping of any of his Majesty's houses of access, and others, in time of progress."-D

(658) John Hay, fourth Marquis of Tweedale. In 1748, he married Frances, daughter of John Earl Granville, and died in 1762.-E.

(659) The Hon. Edward Finch, fifth son of Daniel, sixth Earl of Winchilsea and second Earl of Nottingham, and the direct ancestor of the present Lord Winchilsea. He a.s.sumed the name of Hatton, in 1764, in consequence of inheriting the fortune of William Viscount Hatton, his mother's brother. He was employed in diplomacy, and was made master of the robes in 1757. He died in 1771.-D.

(660) The Hon. William Finch, second son of Daniel, sixth Earl of Winchilsea, had been envoy in Sweden and in Holland. He continued to hold the office of vice-chamberlain of the household till his death in 1766. These two brothers, and their elder brother Daniel, seventh Earl of Winchilsea, are the persons whom Sir Charles Hanbury Williams, calls, on account of the blackness of their complexions, "the dark, funereal Finches." [His widow, Charlotte, daughter of the Earl of Pomfret, was appointed governess to the young princes and princesses.]

(661) Lord Sidney Beauclerk, fifth son of the first Duke of St. Albans; a man of bad character. Sir Charles Hanbury Williams calls him "Worthless Sidney." He was notorious for hunting after the fortunes of the old and childless. Being very handsome, he had almost persuaded Lady Betty Germain, in her old age, to marry him; but she was dissuaded from it by the Duke of Dorset and her relations. He failed also in obtaining the fortune of Sir' Thomas Reeve, Chief Justice of the (common Pleas, whom he used to attend on the circuit, with a view of ingratiating himself with him. At length he induced Mr.

Topham, of Windsor, to leave his estate to him. He died in 1744, leaving one son, Topham Beauclerk, Esq.-D. [This son, so celebrated for his conversational, talents, and described by Dr. Jonson as uniting the eloquent manners of a gentleman with the mental acccomplishments of a scholar, married, in 1768, Lady Diana Spencer, daughter of the Duke of Marlborough, and died in 1780.]

(662) John JefFries, secretary of the treasury.-D.

(663) Sir John Strange was made master of the rolls, but not till some years afterwards; he died in 1754.

(664) From the Pretender. Lord Gower had been, until he was made privy-seal, one of the leading Jacobites; and was even supposed to lean to that party, after he had accepted the appointment.

(665) Lady Isabella Finch, third daughter of the sixth Earl of Winchilsea, first lady of the bedchamber to the Princess Amelia. It was for her that Kent built the pretty and singular house on the western side of Berkeley Square, with a fine room in it, of which the ceiling is painted in arabesque compartments, by Zucchi;-now the residence of C. B. Wall, Esq.-D. [In this house her ladyship died unmarried, in 1771.)