"She went into her favorite store. She's looking at some pants."

"You bought Toni pants last week," Beth said. "Why does she get pants this week and last week?"

"I bought her a pair of jeans. Today she's looking at dress pants. Beth, it doesn't matter what Toni has or what Toni does. We're not dealing with Toni now, we're dealing with you. You made your choice, and that's it!"

"You're not being-"

"I don't want to hear this!"

With that, Beth stomped away.

"Where are you going?" I shouted at her.

"I'll be at Body Beautiful . . . looking at stuff I can't buy!"

At least she hadn't added "because my mom isn't fair."

My mother tried to he helpful. "They'll get over it. Things'll be back to normal. Once they've . . . adjusted."

I turned to my mother, smiling sadly. "Know what, Ma? Every day I thank G.o.d that we didn't hit the big one."

She laughed, then frowned. Instantly, I spotted the reason behind her wariness. Toni had returned, carrying three separate parcels. She gave me a cat-in-the-canary-cage smile.

Wryly, I said, "That must be one large pair of pants."

She showed me what she had bought. I told her she'd have to return everything but the pants. She told me I didn't understand. I said that might be, but she'd still have to take back her purchases.

And then the famous retort.

"We have the money, don't we?"

At that point I gave my mother the car keys and elected to walk home.

Toni's Turn When I was called out of cla.s.s that Thursday, 1 thought maybe someone had died. Why else would Mom let me miss school? She was uptight about those types of things. But nothing could have prepared me for the news to come.

"We won what?" shrieked Beth, my younger sister.

"Whoa," I muttered under my breath.

The lottery.

Of course, my parents wouldn't tell us the specifics, like how much we had actually won. But I was promised a car, so I wasn't about to stage a protest.

So we had finally come into some money. Not like we were hurting financially, but I knew the money would help us out. Mom was always nervous when it came to money, and I thought the extra cash might put her more at ease. And if she was more relaxed, she'd be more inclined to buy her lovely elder daughter more wonderful tokens of affection.

Yes, this new lifestyle was fine by me.

Later that day I overheard Mom talking to Grandma about the whole thing on the phone.

"Yes, Ma, the lottery. One of those Scratcher tickets . . . No, not all six numbers . . . I know-amazing, isn't it? Jack has always had good luck, but still, the odds of winning are so low. But you know what's strange? I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I'm thrilled. Who wouldn't be thrilled about winning two million dollars . . ."

So that's how much we had won!

Mom continued, "But I'm kind of worried this will go to everyone's head. Jack has already promised Toni a car, and Beth thinks we're millionaires now . . . I know, I know. I just don't want to spoil them."

She didn't want to spoil us? Didn't want the money to go to our heads? Who cares if it does when it means we can live more comfortably?

But I knew how to plan my course of action. Not to complain, not to ask for a lot. I'd have to work my way up slowly and be excessively grateful. I would show Mom that I was not taking the money for granted. And then she'd realize that the money wasn't spoiling us. And she could buy us what we wanted with a clear conscience.

I started my plan Sat.u.r.day at the mall. At first everything went as planned. With much restraint, I picked out only one pair of pants. One. And they weren't even expensive. Mom seemed pleased.

Good.

A couple of weeks after we had won the money, I was still sticking to my plan.

Beth was a different story. She went psycho when Mom told her no, she couldn't have another pair of shoes and two dresses.

"But, Mom," she complained, "it's not fair. I've wanted these dresses for such a long time. Lisa's mother bought her four outfits last week, and her father didn't even win the lottery."

Grandma tried to cover a smile. I knew my actions would look even better next to Beth's greedy fits.

I separated from everyone to go into one of my favorite stores.

Big mistake number one. Mom had given me her credit card to buy some dress pants.

Big mistake number two. As I looked around, I knew I was losing my self-control.

"Restraint," I muttered to myself. But everything was so cute-and not that expensive. Besides, we could afford it.

After a while, eight new articles of clothing now officially belonged to me.

I smiled.

Mom did not when she saw what I had bought.

"Toni, I really expected more from you. You're fifteen. How could you do this?"

She wouldn't even look at me.

I said, "But you just don't understand-"

"I do understand," Mom interrupted. "But maybe you don't understand the concept of self-discipline. You girls are unappreciative. I never would have acted like this. You're going to have to go back and return the items."

Return them? I just couldn't understand why Mom was being so uptight. I know she didn't want us to get into the habit of buying everything we wanted, but I thought she could be a little more understanding. I had to say it.

"Mom, I really don't see why you should care so much. We have the money, don't we?"

Mom looked exasperated. When she stomped off, I didn't know what to think.

Beth's Turn I guess when I found out we had won the lottery, it made my day. I'm in sixth grade, and that day I had just taken a social studies quiz and a big English grammar test.

I'm the worst at grammar.

Mr. Furling had called me out of cla.s.s, and I saw Dad. He took me home and told me the big news. We had won the lottery. I didn't care how much. I paraded around the room. When my dad told Toni, standing for Tonia, that she could buy a car, I thought about my own list of things that I wanted: a pair of Steve Madden shoes, a couple of new dresses, and a CD player with a Spice Girls CD to go along with it.

Even though we had won the lottery, I was still frustrated about the tests I had taken. So when we went shopping and the store didn't have the beautiful long, slinky white dress in my size, I almost cried. Mom gave me the choice of waiting for the dress in my size or getting a blue-and-white-plaid dress that was half price. I'm not very good at waiting, so I grumpily told my mom that I would take the plaid dress. My sister, Toni, bought a pair of jeans.

A few weeks later, we took another trip to the mall, and I saw the white dress in size ten-my size! It was just my fit, and I could get great use out of it. So I ran over to ask Mom if we could buy it. She said no. At first I kept saying please, please, please.

Then I got so upset that I yelled, "It's not like we can't afford it."

Mom started giving me this whole lecture about how she didn't buy a suit because she used common sense. Being argumentative, I told her there was no such thing as common sense, because everyone had different genes in their bodies. I also reminded her that she had said she would buy the dress when it came to the store in my size. Mom seemed very agitated, explaining that I had made a choice.

Grandma tried to comfort me, but that didn't help. Then I started to compare Toni to me. I said that Toni got to buy two pairs of pants, why couldn't I have two dresses? Mom told me Toni was not my concern.

Tears streamed from my eyes, but I didn't want Mom to see them. When she asked what was wrong, I told her I was sweating from frustration. I remembered I had five dollars in my pocket and I started to walk away. When Mom asked me where I was going, I screamed that I was going to Body Beautiful to look because I didn't want to steal any of her precious money.

While I was walking away, I saw Toni coming out of her store carrying three bags.

"You're crazy," I said. "Mom won't allow it."

Toni just glared at me like all sn.o.bby older sisters do and walked away. When I got to Body Beautiful, I bought mango-scented bubble bath. I had earned my five dollars washing the neighbor's car.

Then the strangest thing happened. I looked out the mall window and saw Mom stomping down the sidewalk. I felt bad for what I had done and decided to give her the bubble bath.

The Solution I said, "I called this family meeting because something has to be done!"

My daughters stared at their laps with sullen expressions.

I continued, "Winning the lottery doesn't give you two license to start making demands!"

"So you can continue to be arbitrary," snapped Toni.

"That's uncalled for." Jack leaped to my defense. "Apologize."

"She is being arbitrary," Toni insisted. "You both are. One minute you're both expansive, saying we can afford this and that and taking us out to fancy restaurants. The next minute I find a blouse-on sale, no less-and you won't buy it for me. Oh, you have enough to afford a hundred-dollar bottle of wine, but I can't buy a fifteen-dollar blouse."

Jack said, "What we do with our money is our concern, not yours."

"Obviously," Beth retorted.

"You know what I think?" I said. "I think we were doing just great before this lottery business came up. I think we should . . . give it all to charity!"

Jack smiled. "I'll tell you girls right here and now, if things don't work out soon, we're going to give Mom's idea some real thought."

I looked at my husband. "Jack, I'm serious. Let's give it away-"

"Amanda-"

"Okay. We'll keep enough for the girls' education. Give them some motivation for doing well in school. But beyond that, I think I've hit upon a perfect solution. We weren't hurting before. Why shouldn't we share our good fortune?"

My family was stunned. No one spoke.

Finally, Beth said, "Dad, say something."

Jack faltered. "Honey, I admire your n.o.bility. But there's no reason to be hasty. Besides, we've made plans for that money."

"I know we've made plans," I ventured on. "And Toni has made plans. And Beth has made plans as well. So whose plans do we listen to? And you know as well as I do that someone is always going to feel shortchanged. All the money has done is build resentment!"

Again the room fell silent. I could see desperation on my daughters' faces.

Toni said, "Look, I know I've been selfish." Tears were in her eyes. "I'll do better, Mom. I really can do better."

Beth started crying as well. "So can I. I'm sorry I've been so selfish."

Jack winked and said, "I think you got the point across."

But they didn't understand. I wasn't trying to get a point across. "Then you spend the money, Jack. Put it in your wine collection, give it to the girls, I don't care. I don't want any part of it-"

"Amanda, you're being . . ." He looked at the girls, keeping his accusations in check. "As I stated before, I think your idealism is commendable. Giving money to charity is a fine idea. But that's your idea. There are other people in this house. As you always said, we don't make unilateral decisions."

Beth said, "How about this?"

All eyes went to her.

"We give away some money . . . even most of the money. But let's keep a little for fun." She paused, then her eyes lit up. "I know who we can give the money to. The homeless guy we always see in the park. He could use some money, I bet."

Jack stifled a laugh. "Yes, maybe we could give him a handout." He turned to me. "If you're serious about this giveaway program, what about the National Endowment for the Arts? With all the budget cuts, I'm sure we could fund something."

"Art doesn't feed people, Dad," Toni said. "How about LIFE-Love Is Feeding Everyone? They feed poor people, Dad, including children. Best of all, it doesn't cost them anything. They use expired but good food from supermarkets. All they need is people to collect it and distribute it. We could give them something."

"You really want to feed people, just go downtown to Mission Street," Jack said. "I'm sure we could supply some meals there."

I put in my own two cents. "I like Children's Hospital. So many sick kids. And even the healthy ones. They're very poor. Their parents have to wait hours just to get seen."

Toni said, "I hope we have enough money for all these good causes-and a little left over for fun."

No one spoke.

Beth said, "Not that I mean to be selfish. But . . . does this mean I'm not going to get any new stuff? And what about Toni's car?"

Toni sighed. "You know, I really don't go many places without friends. I suppose I could . . ." Another sigh. "Save up for a car . . . like we originally planned."

I said, "A car was promised to you. But it doesn't have to be a new one."

Toni nodded. "I agree. Anything that gets me to school and back is okay. Who needs a Jeep, anyway?"

She was disappointed but trying to hide it.