EPIGRAM

AN APOLOGY FOR SPENCERS

Said William to Edmund I can't guess the reason Why Spencers abound in this bleak wintry season.

Quoth Edmund to William, I perceive you're no Solon-- Men may purchase a half-coat when they cannot a whole-one.

BRISTOLIENSIS.

March 21, 1796. First published in _The Watchman_, No. IV. March 25, 1796. First collected _Poems_, 1907.

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EPIGRAM

ON A LATE MARRIAGE BETWEEN AN OLD MAID AND FRENCH PEt.i.t MAiTRE

Tho' Miss ----'s match is a subject of mirth, She considered the matter full well, And wisely preferred leading one ape on earth To perhaps a whole dozen in h.e.l.l.

First published in _The Watchman_, No. V, April 2, 1796. Included in _Literary Remains_, 1836, i. 45. First collected _P. and D. W._, 1877, ii. 368.

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EPIGRAM

ON AN AMOROUS DOCTOR

From Rufa's eye sly Cupid shot his dart And left it sticking in Sangrado's heart.

No quiet from that moment has he known, And peaceful sleep has from his eyelids flown.

And opium's force, and what is more, alack!

His own orations cannot bring it back.

In short, unless she pities his afflictions, Despair will make him take his _own prescriptions_.

First published in _The Watchman_, No. V, April 2, 1796. Included in _Lit. Rem._, i. 45. First collected _P. and D. W._, 1877, ii. 368.

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EPIGRAM

Of smart pretty Fellows in Bristol are numbers, some Who so modish are grown, that they think plain sense c.u.mbersome; And lest they should seem to be queer or ridiculous, They affect to believe neither G.o.d or _old Nicholas_!

First published in article 'To Caius Gracchus' (signed S. T. Coleridge) in _The Watchman_, No. V, p. 159. Reprinted in _Essays on His Own Times_, 1850, i. 164. First collected _P. and D. W._, 1877, ii. 368.

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ON DEPUTY ----

By many a b.o.o.by's vengeance bit I leave your haunts, ye sons of wit!

And swear, by Heaven's blessed light, That Epigrams no more I'll write.

Now hang that ***** for an a.s.s, Thus to thrust in his idiot face, Which spite of oaths, if e'er I spy, I'll write an Epigram--or die.

LABERIUS.

First published in _Morning Post_, Jan. 2, 1798. First collected, _P.

and D. W._, 1877, ii. 369.

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[EPIGRAM]

To be ruled like a Frenchman the Briton is loth, Yet in truth a _direct-tory_ governs them both.

1798. First collected _P. and D. W._, 1877, ii. 166.

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ON MR. ROSS, USUALLY COGNOMINATED _NOSY_[953:1]

I fancy whenever I spy Nosy Ross, More great than a Lion is Rhy nose ros.

1799. Now first published from an MS.

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[EPIGRAM]

Bob now resolves on marriage schemes to trample, And now he'll have a wife all in a trice.

Must I advise--Pursue thy dad's example And marry not.--There, heed now my advice.

Imitated from Lessing's 'Bald willst du, Trill, und bald willst du dich nicht beweiben.' _Sinngedicht_ No. 93. Now first published from an MS.

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[EPIGRAM]

Say what you will, Ingenious Youth!

You'll find me neither Dupe nor Dunce: Once you deceived me--only once, 'Twas then when you told me the Truth.

1799. First published from an MS. in 1893. Adapted from Lessing's _Sinngedicht_ No. 45. _An einen Lugner._ 'Du magst so oft, so fein, als dir nur moglich, lugen.'

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