'It is for me. It makes me feel all unread and unworthy. I mean I like a doofus but I don't want to be one!'

I burst out laughing. 'Zo you're crazy!'

'It's all about what's right for you, not what everybody else wants,' she a.s.serts.

'How much have you had to drink?'

'Not enough! Watch this Honey, can you open a beer for me?' she calls over to Chip.

I can't bear to watch so I go in search of Sasha.

'I can't believe no one has adopted Ryan,' she sighs, leaning against my favorite guy's cage.

'You're kidding? I thought he'd be the number one choice he's a liger after all!' I look at Ryan with ever-loving respect he's so regal and yet so magnificently moth-eaten, like a once moneyed lord fallen on hard times.

'Maybe because I made him a star attraction people a.s.sume he's already snapped up?'

'Oh no!' I wail. 'Listen if I do have to sell the B&B he'll be my first beneficiary.'

'It's okay, I mean the main thing is raising enough money for Paradise Park. He can be my next project.'

'Next?' I query. As of tonight, Sasha doesn't officially work at Tiger Tiger any more.

'I think I'm going to hang out for a bit, you know, after our week in San Diego. There's nothing for me to hurry back to.'

'And everything to stay for,' I smile.

Sasha nods, then looks earnestly at me: 'So it's still up in the air is it, the B&B?'

'I'm just waiting for a small miracle to occur any minute now!' I look around, searching for a sign. 'Hey, isn't that the movie director from the Hotel Del?' I'd recognize those fleshy lobes anywhere.

'Yes it is,' Sasha confirms with a wince.

He's currently being crowded by lookalikes Val Kilmer and Michael Douglas (The Ghost & The Darkness) but his eyes are straying to a statuesque blonde in a rabbit skin bikini.

'I don't know why I bothered, he hasn't contributed a penny,' Sasha grumbles.

'Not yet,' I decide. 'Try charging him $1,000 for Sheena Queen of the Jungle's phone number that should work!'

'Good idea.' Sasha takes me at my word.

I chuckle. There is no stopping that woman now. How nice that I'll have two best friends to visit when I next come to California. Three, if you count Joel ...

'You're not going to believe what he just did!' Zo comes romping up to me.

'Who?'

'Joel!' she shrieks. 'He told me he was writing out a check for $10,000 just to make his buddies cough up and then when I went to tot up the box of donations his check was in there along with all the others! Can you believe that guy?' Zo skips on her way.

I look over to where he's chatting easily to Todd and Tarzan's Jane. I never cease to be amazed how beautifully he has fitted into my life. Well, my Californian life, anyway ...

Catching me looking at him, he smiles and excuses himself, holding my gaze as he saunters over.

'What are you up to, minx?' he asks, chipping my chin with his finger.

'Nothing!' I grin. 'Just feeling grateful for knowing you.'

'I'm grateful I got to know you too.'

I replay his words in my head then ask, 'Do I detect an element of finality in that sentence?'

He bites his lip then nods. 'I'll be leaving tomorrow.'

'Where are you going?'

'I know it sounds kind of extreme but I always wanted to go climbing in the Himalayas...'

'My G.o.d, Joel!' I gasp.

'Well,' he shrugs, peering at me through his blue-black lashes. 'I've seen all you guys chasing down your dreams and I've decided to go after mine.'

'Does that mean you're giving up your job and everything here?'

'For now. I've kinda done LA.' He takes a breath. 'The way I see it is I can keep climbing the same mountains or I can try something new.'

'Wow. Well if you ever get sick of going upwards you can visit me in Brighton we've got a famous creva.s.se called Devil's d.y.k.e you could drop down into.' As soon as I've said it I realize it's all wrong. 'But then you're really more of an "up" guy, aren't you?'

He laughs. 'I guess so.'

'Joel?'

'Yes?'

'I just want to say thank you ...' I say softly.

'For what?' He tilts his head.

Can he really not know?

'All you've shown me, all you've shared.' A smile plays on my lips. 'Not to mention ...'

'Aha!' He grins. 'That was fun.'

'You've got a magic touch!' I laugh.

'Not everyone brings out the best in me like you do.' He sounds serious.

'Really?'

'Really. I like myself when I'm with you. I can't always say that.'

I'm touched. It's nice to think that maybe I gave a little something back after all the good he gave me.

'G.o.d!' I heave a sigh. 'I don't want to say goodbye to you!'

'Then don't. Just say good luck, and I'll say the same to you.'

He leans forward and kisses me on the forehead, letting his lips rest there for a full minute. It's strange but if I never see him again I'll still feel that we had a complete experience with each other. That doesn't stop the first tear streaking my cheek, however. I reach out and pull myself into his chest one last time, letting a little run of tears sink into his shirt. River deep, mountain high. That's how I'll always think of Joel. To the max!

I listen a while to the soothing beat of his heart then slowly release my grasp. Keeping my eyes tightly closed, I count to a hundred. When I open them again he's gone.

Chapter 41.

The party is over. It's time to wend our way to what will be our home for the next week.

I find Sasha lying in a contented heap on Ty's chest. In turn she has a conked-out Theo nestled in the crook of her arm.

I kneel down beside her and whisper so as not to disturb her new family. 'Are you coming?'

She lifts her head and looks imploringly at me. 'Would you mind if I stayed? There's so much to clear up and I just want to revel in it all a bit longer.'

'No rush, come tomorrow when you're ready.' I lean over and kiss her forehead, then Ty's, then rumple Theo goodbye.

Sasha pulls me back. 'Zo's going with you, isn't she?'

'I'm just going to get her now,' I tell her.

Last time I saw her she was snogging Joshalike over by the cubs' paddling pool. Ah yes. They're still at it.

I cough a little as I approach.

They continue oblivious.

I cough more. In the direct vicinity of Zo's ear. She looks up, practically cross-eyed with l.u.s.t.

'Huh?'

'Ready to make a move?' I ask her.

She looks uncertain.

'You can bring him,' I suggest.

'She's coming back to mine,' Joshalike croaks.

'He's got an audition first thing tomorrow morning it makes more sense-'

'Okay!' I concede. 'I'll see you later.'

'You'll be with Sasha?' Zo checks.

'Actually she's staying, but obviously Helen's going back so-'

'Give us a hug!' Zo reaches for my hand.

I lean over and embrace her, inadvertently inhaling Joshalike. He smells divine. Little wonder she feels compelled to go with him.

'You two be good!' I pull away, quickly refilling my nostrils for the road.

'I'm always good!' Zo winks.

G.o.d, they're dropping like flies. At this rate it's just going to be me and the ghost of Kate Morgan.

Helen and Reuben, however, are already in the parking lot, raring to go.

'Lara!' Helen beckons me over. 'We just heard there's this great break going off in Mexico, if we drive down there now we should make it by sunrise.'

'Do you want come with us?' Reuben asks.

'Um,' I hesitate, not quite sure what to say.

'Don't be silly they're all gagging to get to the Beach House,' Helen dismisses his invitation on my behalf.

'Yeah!' I faux-cheer.

'I bet Elliot'll be there waiting when you get there.'

I look up. I can't believe I'm still hoping. 'Do you really think so?'

'Where else is he going to go?' Helen reasons.

Not quite the romantic encouragement I was hoping for.

'You don't think it's weird that he didn't show up here?' I worry.

'Not really, none of us expected the party to go on so long,' Helen shrugs. 'I told him before that we'd probably be back in San Diego by 10pm.'

I look at my watch. It's now 2am.

'We should get going,' Reuben says and places a hand on Helen's back.