The Three Hundred and Ninety-first Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that quoth the Kazi's wife, "By Allah, O King of the Age, the story of this Kazi is a strange and of the wonders of the world and 'tis as follows.

My spouse is so n.i.g.g.ardly of nature and greedy of gain that whatso wife he weddeth he starveth her with hunger and, whenas she loseth patience, he shreddeth her nostrils and putteth her away, taking all her good and what not. Now this case continued for a while of time. Also he had a black slave-wench and a fine eating-cloth and when dinner-time came he would cry, O handmaid, fetch the fringed table-cloth! whereupon she would bring it and garnish it with three biscuits and three onions, one to each mouth. Presently accounts of this conduct came to me at Mosul, whereupon I removed me to Tarabulus, and there played him many a prank amongst which was the dish of Baysar by me seasoned with an over quant.i.ty of onions and garlic and such spices as gather wind in the maw and distend it like a tom-tom and breed borborygms.[FN#221] This I gave him to eat and then befel that which befel. So I said to him, Thou art in the family way and tricked him, privily bringing into the house a new-born babe.

When his belly began to drain off I set under him a large metal basin and after pinching the little one I placed it in the utensil and recited Names over it. Presently quoth he, Guard my little stranger from the draught and bring hither a wet-nurse; and I did accordingly. But he waxed ashamed of the birth and in the morning he fared forth the city nor knew we what Allah had done with him. But as he went I bespake him with the words which the poet sang when the a.s.s of Umm Amr[FN#222] went off:--

a.s.s and Umm Amr bewent their way; * Nor a.s.s nor Umm Amr returned for aye,

and then I cited the saying of another:--

When I forced him to fare I bade him hie, * Where Umm Kash'am[FN#223] caused her selle to fly."

Now as the Caliph Harun al-Rashid heard these words he laughed so hearty a laugh that he fell backwards and bade the goodwife repeat her history till he waxed distraught for excess of merriment, when lo and behold! a Darwaysh suddenly entered the presence. The wife looked at her husband and recognised him; but the Caliph knew not his Kazi, so much had time and trouble changed the Judge's cheer. However, she signalled to the Commander of the Faithful that the beggar was her mate and he taking the hint cried out, "Welcome to thee, O Darwaysh, and where be the babe thou bearest at Tarabulus?" The unfortunate replied, "O King of the Age, do men go with child?" and the Prince of True Believers rejoined, "We heard that the Kazi bare a babe and thou art that same Kazi now habited in Fakir's habit.

But who may be this woman thou seest?" He made answer "I wot not;" but the dame exclaimed, "Why this denial, O thou who fearest Allah so little? I conjure thee by the life of the King to recount in his presence all that betided thee." He could deny it no longer so he told his tale before the Caliph, who laughed at him aloud; and at each adventure the King cried out, "Allah spare thee and thy child, O Kazi!" Thereupon the Judge explained saying, "Pardon, O King of the Age, I merit even more than what hath betided me."--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-second Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that quoth the Kazi to the King, "I deserve even more than what hath betided me for my deeds were unrighteous, O Ruler of the Time. But now the twain of us be present between thy hands; so do thou, of thy generous grace and the perfection of thy beneficence, deign reconcile me unto my wife and from this moment forwards I repent before the face of Allah nor will I ever return to the condition I was in of n.i.g.g.ardise and greed of gain. But 'tis for her to decide and on whatever wise she direct me to act, therein will I not gainsay her; and do thou vouchsafe to me the further favour of restoring me to the office I whilome held." When the Prince of True Believers, Harun al-Rashid, heard the Kazi's words he turned to the Judge's wife and said, "Thou also hast heard what thy mate hath averred: so do thou become to him what thou wast before and thou hast command over all which thy husband requireth." She replied, "O King of the Age, even as thou hast the advantage of knowing, verily the Heavens and the son of Adam change not; for that man's nature is never altered except with his existence nor doth it depart from him save when his life departeth. However, an he speak the truth let him bind himself by a deed doc.u.mented under thy personal inspection and thine own seal; so that if he break his covenant the case may be committed to thee." The Caliph rejoined," Sooth thou sayest that the nature of Adam's son is allied to his existence;" but the Kazi exclaimed, "O our lord the Sultan, bid write for me the writ even as thou hast heard from her mouth and do thou deign witness it between us twain."

Thereupon the King reconciled their differences and allotted to them a livelihood which would suffice and sent them both back to Tarabulus-town. This is all that hath come down to us concerning the Kazi who bare a babe: yet 'tis as naught compared with the tale of the Bhang-eaters, for their story is wondrous and their adventures delectable and marvellous. "What may it be?" asked Shahryar; so Shahrazad began to recount

THE TALE OF THE KAZI AND THE BHANG-EATER.[FN#224]

There was a certain eater of Bhang--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-third Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that there was a certain eater of Bhang whose wont it was every day to buy three Faddahs' worth of hemp and he would eat one third thereof in the morning and a second at noon and the rest about sundown. He was by calling a fisherman; and regularly as dawn appeared he would take hook and line and go down to the river a-fishing; then he would sell of his catch a portion, expending half a Faddah on bread and eat this with the remaining part of the fish broiled.

He would also provide himself day by day with a waxen taper and light it in his cell and sit before it, taking his pleasure and talking to himself after his large dose of Bhang. In such condition he abode a while of time until one fine spring-night, about the middle of the month when the moon was shining sheeniest, he sat down to bespeak himself and said, "Ho, Such-an-one! hie thee forth and solace thy soul with looking at the world, for this be a time when none will espy thee and the winds are still." Herewith he went forth intending for the river; but as soon as he issued from his cell-door and trod upon the square, he beheld the moonbeams bestrown upon the surface and, for the excess of his Bhang, his Fancy said to him, "By Allah, soothly the stream floweth strong and therein needs must be much store of fish. Return, Such-an-one, to thy cell, bring hook and line and cast them into these waters; haply Allah our Lord shall vouchsafe thee somewhat of fish, for men say that by night the fisherwight on mighty fine work shall alight." He presently brought out his gear and, having baited the hook, made a cast into the moonlit square, taking station in the shadow of the walls where he believed the river bank to be. Then he bobbed[FN#225] with his hook and line and kept gazing at the waters, when behold! a big dog sniffed the bait and coming up to it swallowed the hook till it stuck in his gullet.[FN#226] The beast feeling it p.r.i.c.k his throttle yelped with pain and made more noise every minute, rushing about to the right and the left: so the line was shaken in the man's hand and he drew it in, but by so doing the hook pierced deeper and the brute howled all the louder; and it was pull Bhang-eater and pull cur. But the man dared not draw near the moonlight, holding it to be the river, so he tucked up his gown to his hip-bones, and as the dog pulled more l.u.s.tily he said in his mind, "By Allah this must be a mighty big fish and I believe it to be a ravenous."[FN#227] Then he gripped the line firmly and haled it in but the dog had the better of him and dragged him to the very marge of the moonlight; so the fisherman waxed afraid and began to cry, "Alack! Alack!

Alack![FN#228] To my rescue ye braves![FN#229] Help me for a monster of the deep would drown me! Yallah, hurry ye, my fine fellows, hasten to my aid!" Now at that hour people were enjoying the sweets of sleep and when they heard these unseasonable outcries they flocked about him from every side and accosting him asked, "What is it? What maketh thee cry aloud at such an hour?

What hath befallen thee?" He answered, "Save me, otherwise a river-monster will cause me fall into the stream and be drowned."

Then, finding him tucked up to the hips, the folk approached him and enquired, "Where is the stream of which thou speakest?" and he replied, "Yonder's the river; be ye all blind?" Thereat they understood that he spoke of the moonbeams, whose sheen was dispread upon earth, deeming it a river-surface, and they told him this; but he would not credit them and cried, "So ye also desire to drown me; be off from me! our Lord will send me other than you to lend me good aid at this hour of need." They replied, "O well-born one, this be moonshine;" but he rejoined, "Away from me, ye low fellows,[FN#230] ye dogs!" Then derided him and the angrier he grew the more they laughed, till at last they said one to other, "Let us leave him and wend our ways," and they quitted him in such condition--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her Sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-fourth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the folk who flocked to the a.s.sistance of the Bhang-eater left him in such condition, he crying aloud in affright, the dog being now before him in a phrenzy of pain for the hook sticking in his gullet and being unable to rid himself of it, while the man dreaded to draw near the moonshine, still deeming (albeit he stood upon terra firma) that he was about to step into the stream. So he hugged the wall shadow which to him represented the river-bank. In this case he continued until day brake and light shone and the to-ing and fro-ing of the folk increased; withal he remained as he was, crying out for affright lest he be drowned. Suddenly a Kazi rode by him and seeing him with gown kilted up and the hound hanging on to the hook, asked, "What may be the matter with thee, O man?"

He answered saying, "O my lord, I dread lest I be drowned in this stream, whither a monster of the deep is a-dragging me." The judge looked at him and knew him for a Bhang-eater, so he dismounted from his monture and cried to one of his attendants, "Catch hold of yon dog and unhook him!" Now this Kazi was also one who was wont to use Hashish; so quoth he to himself, "By Allah, take this fellow with thee and feed him in thy house and make a mocking-stock of him; and, as each night cometh on do thou and he eat together a portion of the drug and enjoy each other's company." Accordingly he took him and carrying him to his quarters seated him in a private stead until nightfall when the twain met and supped together; then they swallowed a large dose of Bhang and they lit candles and sat in their light to enjoy themselves.[FN#231] Presently from excess of the drug they became as men Jinn-mad, uttering words which befit not to intend or to indite,[FN#232] amongst which were a saying of the Bhang-eater to the Kazi, "By Allah, at this season I'm as great as the King;"

and the Judge's reply, "And I also at such time am as great as the Basha, the Governor." Thereupon quoth to him the Bhang-eater, "I'm high above thee and if the King would cut off the Governor's head what would happen to hinder him?" And quoth the Kazi, "Yea, verily; naught would hinder him; but 'tis the customs of Kings to appoint unto Governors a place wherein they may deal commandment." Then they fell to debating the affairs of the Government and the Sultanate, when by decree of the Decreer the Sultan of the city went forth his palace that very night, accompanied by the Wazir (and the twain in disguise); and they ceased not traversing the town till they reached the house wherein sat the Bhang-eater and the Kazi. So they stood at the door and hear their talk from first to last, when the King turned to the Minister and asked, "What shall we do with these two fellows?" "Be patient, O King of the Age," answered the Wazir, "until they make an end of their talk, after which whatso thou wilt do with them that will they deserve." "True indeed,"[FN#233]

quoth the ruler, "nevertheless, instead of standing here let us go in to them." Now that night the boon-companions had left the door open forgetting to padlock it; so the visitors entered and salam'd to them and they returned the greeting and rose to them and bade them be seated. Accordingly they sat down and the Sultan said to the Bhang-eater, "O man, fearest thou not aught from the Sovran, thou and thy friend; and are ye sitting up until this hour?" He replied, "The Sultan himself often fareth forth at such untimely time, and as he is a King even so am I, and yonder man is my Basha: moreover, if the ruler think to make j.a.pery of us, we are his equals and more." Thereupon the Sultan turned to his Wazir and said by signals, "I purpose to strike off the heads of these fellows;" and said the Minister in the same way, "O King, needs must they have a story, for no man with his wits in his head would have uttered such utterance. But patience were our bestest plan." Then cried the Bhang-eater to the Sultan, "O man, whenever we say a syllable, thou signallest to thine a.s.sociate.

What is it thou wouldst notify to him and we not understanding it? By Allah, unless thou sit respectfully in our presence we will bid our Basha strike off thy pate!"--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!"

Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?"

Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-fifth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deed fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that when the Sultan heard the Bhang-eater's words he waxed the more furious and would have arisen and struck off his head; but the Wazir winked at him and whispered, "O King of the Age, I and thou are in disguise and these men imagine that we are of the commons: so be thou pitiful even as Almighty Allah is pitiful and willeth not the punishment of the sinner. Furthermore, I conceive that the twain are eaters of Hashish, which drug when swallowed by man, garreth him prattle of whatso he pleaseth and chooseth, making him now a Sultan then a Wazir and then a merchant, the while it seemeth to him that the world is in the hollow of his hand."

Quoth the Sultan, "And what may be thy description of Hashish?"

and quoth the Wazir, "'Tis composed of hemp leaflets, whereto they add aromatic roots and somewhat of sugar: then they cook it and prepare a kind of confection which they eat;[FN#234] but whoso eateth it (especially an he eat more than enough), talketh of matters which reason may on no wise represent. If thou wouldst know its secret properties, on the coming night (Inshallah!) we will bring some with us and administer it to these two men; and when they eat it the dose will be in addition to their ordinary."

After this the Sultan left them and went forth, when the Bhang-eater said to the Kazi, "By Allah, this night we have enjoyed ourselves and next night (if Allah please!) we will enjoy ourselves yet more." The other replied, "Yes, but I fear from the Sultan, lest he learn our practice and cut off our heads." "Who shall bring the Sovran to us?" asked the other: "he is in his palace and we are in our own place; and, granting he come, I will divert him by recounting an adventure which befel me." The Kazi answered, "Have no dread of the Sultan; for he may not fare forth a-nights single-handed; nay, what while he issueth forth he must be escorted by his high officials." Now when the next night fell, the Kazi brought the Hashish which he divided into two halves, eating one himself and giving the other to his companion; and both swallowed their portions after supper and then lit the waxen tapers and sat down to take their pleasure.[FN#235] Suddenly the Sultan and his Wazir came in upon them during the height of their enjoyment, and the visitors were habited in dress other than before, and they brought with them a quant.i.ty of Bhang-confection and also some conserve of roses: so they handed a portion of the first to the revellers, which these accepted and ate, while they themselves swallowed the conserve, the others supposing it to be Hashish like what they had eaten. Now when they had taken an overdose, they got into a hurly-burly of words and fell to saying things which can neither be intended nor indited, and amongst these they exclaimed, "By Allah, the Sultan is desposed and we will rule in his stead and deal commandment to his reign." The other enquired, "And if the Sultan summon us what wilt thou say to him?" "By Allah, I will tell him a tale which befel myself and crave of him ten Faddahs wherewithal to buy Bhang!" "And hast thou any skill in tale-telling?" "In good sooth I have!" "But how wilt thou despose the Sultan and reign in his stead?" "I will say to him 'Be off!' and he will go." "He will strike thy neck."

"Nay, the Sultan is pitiful and will not punish me for my words."

So saying the Bhang-eater arose and loosed the inkle of his bag-trowsers, then approaching the Sultan he drew forth his p.r.i.c.kle and proceeded to bep.i.s.s him:[FN#236] but the King took flight as the other faced him, and fled before him, he pursuing.--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-sixth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Bhang-eater holding up his bag-trowsers ran after the Sultan purposing to bep.i.s.s him and caught up the fugitive at the doorway when he fell over the threshold and began a-piddling upon his own clothes. In like manner the Kazi attempted to bep.i.s.s the Wazir and ran after him to the entrance, where he also fell upon the Bhang-eater and took to making water over him. So the Bhang-eater and the Kazi lay each bewraying other, and the Sultan and the Wazir stood laughing at then and saying, "By Allah, too much Hashish injureth man's wits;" and presently they left and went their ways returning to their palaces. But the two drunkards ceased not lying in their own water till day broke; and when the fumes of the drug had left heir brains, they arose and found themselves dripping and befouled with their own filth. Thereupon each said to other, "What be this cross hath betided us?"

Presently they arose and washed themselves and their clothes; then sitting down together they said, "None did this deed by us save and except the two fellows who were with us; and who knoweth what they were, or citizens of this city or strangers; for 'twas they brought the intoxicant which we ate and it bred a madness in our brains. Verily 'twas they did the mischief; but, an they come to us a third time, needs must we be instant with them and learn from them and they be foreigners or folk of this city: we will force them to confess, but if they hide them from us we will turn them out." On the next night they met again and the two sat down and ate a quant.i.ty of Hashish after they had supped: and they lit the waxen tapers and each of them drank a cup of coffee.[FN#237]

Presently their heads whirled round under the drug and they sat down to talk and enjoy themselves when their drunkenness said to them, "Up with you and dance." Accordingly they arose and danced, when behold, the Sultan and his Wazir suddenly came in upon them and salam'd to them: so they returned the salutation but continued the salutation. The new comers considered them in this condition and forthwith the King turned to the Minister and said, "What shall we do with them?" Said the other, "Patience until their case come to end in somewhat whereof we can lay hold." Then they chose seats for themselves and solaced them with the spectacle, and the dancers kept on dancing until they were tired and were compelled to sit down and take their rest. Presently the Bhang-eater looked at the Sultan and exclaimed, "You, whence are you?" and he replied, "We be foreigner folk and never visited this city before that night when we met you; and as we heard you making merry we entered to partake of your merriment." On this wise the device recoiled upon the Bhang-eater and presently the King asked them, saying, "Fear ye not lest the Sultan hear of you, and ye in this condition which would cause your disgrace at his hands?" The Bhang-eater answered, "The Sultan! What tidings of us can he have? He is in the royal Palaze and we in our place of Bhang-eating." The Sovran rejoined, "Why not go to him! Belike he will gift you and largesse you;" but the Bhang-eater retorted, "We fear his people lest they drive us away." Whereto quoth the King, "They will not do on such wise and if thou require it we will write thee a not to his address, for we know him of old inasmuch as both of us learned to read in the same school."

"Write thy writ," quoth the other to the Sultan who after inditing it and sealing it placed it in their hands and presently the two visitors departed. Then the Bhang-eater and the Kazi sat together through the night until daylight did appear when the fumes of the Hashish had fled their brains and the weather waxed fine and clear. So they said, each to other, "Let us go to the Sultan," and the twin set out together and walked till they reached the square facing the Palace. Here, finding a crowd of folk, they went up to the door and the Bhang-eater drew forth his letter and handed it to one of the Sultan's suite, who on reading it fell to the ground and presently rising placed it upon his head.--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-seventh Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the officer who took the letter caused the Bhang-eater and his comrade enter the presence, and the Sultan catching sight of them commanded them to be seated in a private stead where none other man was. His bidding was obeyed; and at noon-tide he sent them a tray of food for dinner and also coffee; and the same was done at sundown. But as soon as supper-tide came the Sultan prayed and recited sections of Holy Writ, as was his wont, until two hours had pa.s.sed when he ordered the twain be summoned; and when they stood in the presence and salam'd to him and blessed him the King returned their salute and directed them to be seated. Accordingly they sat down and quoth the Sultan to the Bhang-eater, "Where be the man who gave you the writ?" Quoth the other, "O King of the Age, there were two men who came to use and said, 'Why go ye not to the King? Belike he will gift you and largesse you.' Our reply was, 'We know him not and we fear lest his folk drive us away.'

So one of them said to us, 'I will write thee a note to his address for we know him of old, inasmuch as both of us learned to read in the same school.' Accordingly he indited it and sealed it and gave it to us; and coming hither we found his words true and now we are between his hands." The Sultan enquired, "Was there any lack of civility to the strangers on your part?" and they replied, "None, save our questioning them and saying, 'Whence come ye?' whereto they rejoined, 'We be strangers.' Beyond this there was nothing unpleasant; nothing at all." "Whither went they?" asked the King and the other answered, "I wot not." The Sultan continued, "Needs must thou bring them to me for 'tis long since I saw them;" and the other remarked, "O King of the Age, if again they come to our place we will seize them and carry them before thee even perforce, but in case they come not, we have no means to hand." Quoth the King, "An thou know them well, when thou catchest sight of them they cannot escape thee," and quoth the other, "Yea, verily." Then the Sultan pursued, "What did ye with the twain who came before them and ye wanted to bep.i.s.s them?" Now when the Bhang-eater heard these words his colour paled and his case changed, his limbs trembled and he suspected that the person which he had insulted was the Sultan; whereupon the King turned towards him and seeing in him signs of discomfiture asked, "What is in thy mind, O Bhang-eater? What hath befallen thee?" The other arose forthright and kissing ground cried, "Pardon, O King of the Age, before whom I have sinned." The Sovran asked, "How didst thou know this?" and he answered, "Because none other was with us and news of us goeth not out of doors; so needs must thou have been one of the twain and he who wrote the writ was thyself; for well we know that the kings read not in schools. Thou and thy friend did come in disguise to make merry at our expense; therefore pardon us, O King of the Age, for mercy is a quality of the n.o.ble, and Almighty Allah said, 'Whoso pardoneth and benefitteth his reward is with Allah,' and eke He said, 'And the stiflers of wrath and the pardoners of mankind and Allah loveth the doers of good'."[FN#238] Herewith the Sultan smiled and said, "No harm shall befal thee, O Bhang-eater! Thine excuse is accepted and thy default pardoned, but, O thou clever fellow, hast thou no tale to tell us?" He replied, "O King of the Age, I have a story touching myself and my wife which, were it graven with needle-gravers upon the eye-corners were a warning to whoso would be warned. But I strave against her on my own behalf, withal she overcame me and tyrannised over me by her contrivance." "What is it?" asked the King; so the man began to relate the

History of the Bhang-Eater and his Wife.

In the beginning of my career I owned only a single bull and poverty confused my wits.--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say.

Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-eighth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good-will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Bhang-eater said to the Sultan:--I had no property save a single bull and poverty confused my wits. So I resolved to sell Roger[FN#239] and going to the Bazar stood therein expecting someone to buy it, but none came to me until the last of the day.

At that time I drove it forth and dragged it off till we reached half-way to my home, where I came upon a tree and sat down to rest in the cool shade. Now I had somewhat of Bhang with me, also a trifle of bread which I brought out and ate, and after I drank a draught of water from the spring. Presently the Bhang began to wobble in my brains and behold a bird in the tree-top which men call a Magpie[FN#240] fell a-cawing, so I said to her, "Thou, O Mother of Solomon, hast thou a mind to buy the bull?" and she cawed again. I continued, "Whatso price ever thou settest upon the bull, at that will I cede it to thee." Again a croak and I, "Haply thou hast brought no money?" Another croak and cried I, "Say the word and I will leave the bull with thee till next Friday when thou wilt come and pay me its price." But she still cawed and I, whenever she opened beak, O King of the Age, fancied that she bespake me and wanted the bull. But all this was of the excess of my Bhang which kept working in my brains and I mistook the croaking for her conversing. Accordingly I left with her the bull bound to the tree and turned towards my village; and, when I went in to my wife, she asked me anent the bull and I told her of my selling it to the Mother of Solomon. "Who may she be?" asked my rib, and I replied, "She dwelleth in yonder tree;" whereat my spouse rejoined "Allah compensate thee with welfare." So I awaited patiently the appointed term; then, after swallowing somewhat of Bhang, I repaired to the tree and sat beneath it when, lo and behold! the pie cawed and I cried to her, "Hast thou brought the coin?" A second caw! Then said I, "Come hither and bring me the money." A third caw! Hereat I waxed wroth and arose and taking up a bittock of brick I threw it at her as she sat perched upon the tree, whereupon she flew off and alit upon an 'old man'[FN#241] of clay hard by. So it occurred to my mind, "By Allah, the Mother of Solomon biddeth me follow her and recover the value of the bull from yonder 'old man.'" Presently I went up to it and digging therein suddenly came upon a crock[FN#242] full of gold wherefrom I took ten ashrafis, the value of the bull, and returned it to its place, saying, "Allah ensure thy weal, O Mother of Solomon." Then I walked back to my village and went in to my wife and said, "By Allah, verily the Mother of Solomon is of the righteous! Lookye, she gave me these ten golden ducats to the price of our Roger." Said my wife, "And who may be the Mother of Solomon?" and I told her all that had befallen me especially in the matter of the crock of gold buried in the 'old man.' But after she heard my words she tarried until sundown; then, going to the land-mark she dug into it and carrying off the crock brought it home privily. But I suspected her of so doing and said to her, "O woman, hast thou taken the good of the Mother of Solomon (and she of the righteous) after we have received from her the price of our Roger out of her own moneys? And hast thou gone and appropriated her property? By Allah, an thou restore it not to its stead even as it was, I will report to the Wali that my wife hath happened upon treasure-trove." And so saying I went forth from her. Then she arose and got ready somewhat of dough for cooking with flesh-meat and, sending for a fisherman, bade him bring her a few fishes fresh-caught and all alive, and taking these inside the house she drew sweet water and sprinkled them therewith, and lastly she placed the dough and meat outside the house ready for nightfall. Presently I returned and we supped, I and she; but 'twas my firm resolve to report my wife's find to the Chief of Police. We slept together till midnight when she awoke me saying, "O man, I have dreamed a dream, and this it is, that the sky hath rained down drink and meat and that the fishes have entered our house." I replied to her of my folly and the overmuch Bhang which disported in my head, "Let us get up and look." So we searched the inside of the house and we found the fishes, and the outside where we came upon the doughboy and flesh-meat; so we fell to picking it up, I and she, and broiling it and eating thereof till morning. Then said I, "Do thou go and return the moneys of Solomon's Mother to their own place." But she would not and flatly refused.--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-ninth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Bhang-eater continued:--I said to my wife, "Do thou go and return the moneys of Solomon's Mother to their own place;" but she would not and flatly refused. Then I repeated[FN#243] my words but without avail, so I flew into a fury and leaving her ceased not trudging till I found the Wali and said to him, "O my lord, my wife Such-an-one hath hit upon a h.o.a.rd and 'tis now with her."[FN#244] The Chief of Police asked, "O man, hast thou seen it?" and I answered, "Yes." SO he sent a body of his followers to bring her before him and when she came said to her, "O wo-man, where is the treasure trove?" Said she, "O my lord, this report is a baseless;" whereupon the Chief of Police bade her be led to jail. They did his bidding and she abode in the prison a whole day, after which the Wali summoned her and repeated his words to her adding, "An thou bring not the h.o.a.rd I will slay thee and cast thy corpse into the bogshop[FN#245] of the Hammam." The woman (my wife) rejoined, "O my lord, I never found aught;" and when he persisted threatening her with death she cried, "O my lord, wherefore oppress me on this wise and charge such load of sin upon thine own neck? I never came upon treasure at all, at all!" The Chief of Police retorted, "My first word and my last are these:--Except thou bring the treasure trove I will slay thee and cast thee into the jakes." Herewith quoth she, "O my lord, ask my husband where it was I hit upon the h.o.a.rd and at what time, by day or by night," and the Wali's men cried, "By Allah, these her words are just and right, nor is therein aught of harm." So he sent to summon me and asked me, "O man, when did thy wife hit upon the h.o.a.rd?" I answered, "O my lord, she found it on the night when the skies rained drink and food and fishes." Now when the Wali heard my words he said to me, "O man, the skies are not wont to shed aught save rainwater; and a man in his right wits speaketh not such speech as this." Said I, "By the life of thy head, O my lord, they did rain all three of them;" but the officers cried, "O my lord, verily this man be Jinn-mad and his wife who telleth plain truth is wronged by him: the fellow deserveth confining in the Maristan."[FN#246] Accordingly the Chief of Police bade the men set the woman free and let her wend her ways and seize me and throw me into the madhouse. They did his bidding and I remained there the first day and the second till the third when my wife said to herself, "There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great! By the Lord, needs must I go and relieve my husband from Bedlam and charge him never again to speak of that treasure trove." So she came to the Maristan and entering said to me, "Ho, Such-an-one, if any ask of thee saying, 'What do the skies rain?'[FN#247] do thou make answer, 'They rain water!' Furthermore if they inquire of thee, 'Do they ever rain drink and food and fishes?' reply thou, 'This is clean impossible, nor can such thing ever take place!' Then haply they will say to thee, 'How many days are in the week?' and do thou say, 'Seven days and this day be such a day!' Lastly have a guard on thyself when speaking." I rejoined, "'Tis well, and now hie thee forth and buy me half a faddah's worth of Bhang, for during these days I have not eaten aught thereof." So she went and bought me somewhat and of Hashish.--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Four Hundredth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Bhang-eater's wife fared forth and brought back somewhat of food and of Hashish: then returning to the Maristan (he continued) she gave both to me and I ate of them, after which I said to her, "Let us up and be off!" whereto she, "And when we go to the Wali what wilt thou say?" Then the Bhang wrought in the brains and I cried, "O bawd,[FN#248] O my nice young lady, well thou wottest that the skies did rain flesh and drink and fishes! Why then didst thou not tell the truth before the Chief of Police?"

Thereupon the Manager of the Madhouse cried to me, "O fellow, this is the babble of madmen!" and I, "By Allah, I ate of them boiled; and doubtless the same kind of rain fell in your house."

The other exclaimed, "There be nor doubt nor hesitation anent the insanity of one who sayeth such say!" Now all this was related by the Bhang-eater to the Sultan who marvelled and asked him, "What could have made thee go to the Manager and recount to him such absurdities?" But the Bhang-eater resumed, saying, "I dwelt in the Maristan twenty days until at last having no Bhang to eat I came to my senses and confessed that the skies shed only rain-water, that the week containeth seven days and that this day be such-and-such; in fact I discoursed like a man in his right mind. So they discharged me and I went my ways." But when the Kazi heard this tale he cried out to the Sultan, "O King of the Age, my story is still more wondrous than this, which is only a prank played by a wife. My name was originally Abu Kasim al-Tamburi[FN#249] and I was appointed Kazi after a neat thing I did, and if thou, O our lord the Sultan, desire to be told of the adventures which befel me and of the clever trick wherefor they made me a judge, deign give thy commandment and I will commence it." Quoth the Sultan, "Recount to us why and where they ent.i.tled thee Kazi," and the judge began to relate

How Drummer Abu Kasim Became a Kazi.