THE change of food enjoyment is to man; In this, t'include the woman is my plan.

I cannot guess why Rome will not allow Exchange in wedlock, and its leave avow; Not ev'ry time such wishes might arise, But, once in life at least, 'twere not unwise; Perhaps one day we may the boon obtain; Amen, I say: my sentiments are plain; The privilege in France may yet arrive There trucking pleases, and exchanges thrive; The people love variety, we find; And such by heav'n was ere for them designed.

ONCE there dwelled, near Rouen, (sapient clime) Two villagers, whose wives were in their prime, And rather pleasing in their shape and mien, For those in whom refinement 's scarcely seen.

Each looker-on conceives, LOVE needs not greet Such humble wights, as he would prelates treat.

IT happened, howsoe'er, both weary grown, Of halves that they so long had called their own; One holyday, with them there chanced to drink The village lawyer (bred in Satan's sink); To him, said one of these, with jeering air, Good mister Oudinet, a strange affair Is in my head: you've doubtless often made Variety of contracts; 'tis your trade: Now, cannot you contrive, by one of these, That men should barter wives, like goods, at ease?

Our pastor oft his benefice has changed; Is trucking wives less easily arranged?

It cannot be, for well I recollect, That Parson Gregory (whom none suspect) Would always say, or much my mem'ry fails, My flock 's my wife: love equally prevails; He changed; let us, good neighbour do the same; With all my heart, said t'other, that's my aim; But well thou know'st that mine's the fairest face, And, Mister Oudinet, since that's the case, Should he not add, at least, his mule to boot?

My mule? rejoined the first, that will not suit; In this world ev'ry thing has got its price: Mine I will change for thine and that 's concise.

Wives are not viewed so near; naught will I add; Why, neighbour Stephen, dost thou think me mad, To give my mule to boot?--of mules the king; Not e'en an a.s.s I'd to the bargain bring; Change wife for wife, the barter will be fair; Then each will act with t'other on the square.

THE village lawyer now the friends addressed: Said he, Antoinetta is confessed To have superior charms to those of Jane; But still, if I may venture to be plain, Not always is the best what meets the eye, For many beauties in concealment lie, Which I prefer; and these are hid with care; Deceptions, too, are practised by the FAIR; Howe'er, we wish the whole to be disclosed, Too much, 'tis said, they must not be exposed.

NOW, neighbours, let us fair arrangement make: A pig in poke you'd neither give nor take; Confront these halves in nature's birth-day suit; To neither, then, will you deceit impute.

The project was most thoroughly approved; Like inclination both the husbands moved.

ANTOINETTA, said the second spouse, Has neither ill nor scratch her fears to rouse.

Jane, cried the first, is ev'ry way complete; No freckles on the skin: as balm she's sweet: Antoinetta is, her spouse replied, Ambrosia ev'ry way: no fault to hide.

SAID t'other:--Don't so confident appear; Thou know'st not Jane: her ways would marble cheer; And there's a play:--thou understand'st no doubt?

To this rejoined the second village lout, One diff'rence only have my wife and I: Which plays the prettiest wiles is what we try; Thou'lt very soon of these know how to think; Here's to thee, neighbour; Mister Oud'net, drink; Come, toast Antoinetta; likewise Jane; The mule was granted, and the bargain plain: Our village lawyer promised to prepare, At once, the writings, which would all declare.

This Oudinet a good apostle proved Well paid for parchment, or he never moved: By whom was payment made?--by both the dames; On neither husband showed he any claims.

THE village clowns some little time supposed That all was secret: not a hint disclosed; The parson of it, howsoe'er, obtained Some intimation, and his off'rings gained.

I was not present, fully I admit; But rarely clergymen their dues will quit.

The very clerk would not remit his fee:-- All those who serve the church in this agree.

THE permutation could not well be made, But scandal would such practices upbraid; In country villages each step is seen; Thus, round the whisper went of what had been, And placed at length the thorn where all was ease; The pow'rs divine alone it could displease.

'Twas pleasant them together to behold; The wives, in emulation, were not cold; In easy talk they'd to each other say: How pleasing to exchange from day to day!

What think you, neighbour, if, to try our luck, For once we've something new, and valets truck?

This last, if made, the secret had respect; The other had at first a good effect.

FOR one good month the whole proceeded well; But, at the end, disgust dispersed the spell; And neighbour Stephen, as we might suppose, Began dissatisfaction to disclose; Lamented much Antoinetta's stop; No doubt he was a loser by the swop; Yet neighbour Giles expressed extreme regret, That t'other from him ought to boot should get: Howe'er, he would retrucking not consent, So much he otherwise appeared content.

IT happened on a day, as Stephen strayed Within a wood, he saw, beneath a shade, And near the stream, asleep, and quite alone, Antoinetta, whom he wished his own.

He near her drew, and waked her with surprise; The change ne'er struck her when she ope'd her eyes; The gay gallant advantage quickly took, And, what he wished, soon placed within his hook.

'Tis said, he found her better than at first; Why so? you ask: was she then at the worst?

A curious question, truly, you've designed; In Cupid's am'rous code of laws you'll find-- Bread got by stealth, and eat where none can spy, Is better far than what you bake or buy; For proof of this, ask those most learn'd in love Truth we prefer, all other things above; Yet Hymen, and the G.o.d of soft desire, How much soe'er their union we admire, Are not designed together bread to bake; In proof, the sleeping scene for instance take.

Good cheer was there: each dish was served with taste; The G.o.d of love, who often cooks in haste, Most nicely seasoned things to relish well; In this he's thought old Hymen to excel.

ANTOINETTA, to his clasp restored, Our neighbour Stephen, who his wife adored, Quite raw, howe'er, in this, exclaimed apart Friend Giles has surely got some secret art, For now my rib displays superior charms, To what she had, before she left my arms.

Let's take her back, and play the Norman trick Deny the whole, and by our priv'lege stick.

IMMEDIATELY he ev'ry effort tried, To get the bargain fully set aside.

Giles, much distressed, exerted all his might, To keep his prize, and prove his conduct right.

The cause was carried to the bishop's court; Much noise it made, according to report.

At length the parliament would hear the claim, And judge a case of such peculiar fame.

THE village lawyer, Oudinet, was brought; From him, who drew the contract, truth was sought; There rests the cause, for 'tis of recent date; While undecided, more we cannot state.

HOW silly neighbour Stephen must appear!

He went against his int'rest now 'tis clear; For, when superior pleasure he was shown, The fascinating fair was not his own.

Good sense would whisper then, 'twere full as well, To let remain with Giles the beauteous belle; Save now and then, within the leafy shade, Where oft Antoinetta visits made, And warbled to the shrubs and trees around; There he might easily the nymph have found, But, if with ease it could not be obtained, Still greater pleasure he would then have gained.

GO preach me this to silly country louts; These, howsoe'er, had managed well their bouts, It must not be denied, and all was nice; To do the like perhaps 'twill some entice.

I much regret my lot was not the same, Though doubtless many will my wishes blame.

THE CASE OF CONSCIENCE

THOSE who in fables deal, bestow at ease Both names and t.i.tles, freely as they please.

It costs them scarcely any thing, we find.

And each is nymph or shepherdess designed; Some e'en are G.o.ddesses, that move below, From whom celestial bliss of course must flow.

THIS Horace followed, with superior art:-- If, to the trav'ller's bed, with throbbing heart, The chambermaid approached, 'twas Ilia found, Or fair Egeria, or some nymph renowned.

G.o.d, in his goodness, made, one lovely day, Apollo, who directs the lyrick lay, And gave him pow'rs to call and name at will, Like father Adam, with primordial skill.

Said he, go, names bestow that please the ear; In ev'ry word let sweetest sound appear.

This ancient law then proves, by right divine, WE oft are sponsors to the royal line.

WHEN pleasing tales and fables I endite, I, who in humble verse presume to write, May surely use this privilege of old, And, to my fancy, appellations mould.

If I, instead of Anne, should Sylvia say, And Master Thomas (when the case I weigh) Should change to Adamas, the druid sage, Must I a fine or punishment engage?

No, surely not:--at present I shall choose Anne and the Parson for my tale to use.

WITHIN her village, Anne was thought the belle, And ev'ry other charmer to excel.

As near a river once she chanced to stray, She saw a youth in Nature's pure array, Who bathed at ease within the gliding stream; The girl was brisk, and worthy of esteem, Her eyes were pleased; the object gave delight; Not one defect could be produced in sight; Already, by the shepherdess adored, If with the belle to pleasing flights he'd soared, The G.o.d of love had all they wished concealed None better know what should not be revealed.

Anne nothing feared: the willows were her shade, Which, like Venetian blinds, a cov'ring made; Her eyes, howe'er, across had easy view, And, o'er the youth, each beauty could pursue.

SHE back four paces drew, at first, through shame; Then, led by LOVE, eight others forward came; But scruples still arose that ardour foiled, And nearly ey'ry thing had truly spoiled.

Anne had a conscience pure as holy fire; But how could she abstain from soft desire?

If, in the bosom chance a flame should raise, Is there a pow'r can then subdue the blaze?

At first these inclinations she withstood; But doubting soon, how those of flesh and blood Could sins commit by stepping in advance, She took her seat upon the green expanse, And there attentively the lad observed, With eyes that scarcely from him ever swerved.

PERHAPS you've seen, from Nature, drawings made?

Some Eve, or Adam, artists then persuade, In birth-attire to stand within their view, While they with care and taste each trait pursue; And, like our shepherdess, their stations take, A perfect semblance ev'ry way to make.

ANNE in her mem'ry now his image placed; Each line and feature thoroughly she traced, And even now the fair would there remain, If William (so was called this youthful swain) Had not the water left; when she retired, Though scarcely twenty steps from him admired, Who, more alert than usual then appeared, And, by the belle, in silence was revered.

WHEN such sensations once were in the breast, Love there we may believe would hardly rest.

THE favours Anne reserved he thought his own, Though expectations oft away have flown.

The more of this I think, the less I know; Perhaps one half our bliss to chance we owe!