WHO lib'rally with presents smoothes the road, Will meet no obstacles to LOVE'S abode.

In ev'ry situation they are sweet, I've often said, and now the same repeat: The primum mobile of human kind, Are gold and silver, through the world we find.

OUR envoy kept two books, in which he wrote The names of all the married pairs of note; But that a.s.signed to couples satisfied, He scarcely for it could a name provide, Which made the demon almost blush to see, How few, alas! in wedlock's chains agree; While presently the other, which contained Th' unhappy--not a leaf in blank remained.

No other choice Belphegor now had got, Than--try himself the hymeneal knot.

In Florence he beheld a certain fair, With charming face and smart engaging air; Of n.o.ble birth, but puffed with empty pride; Some marks of virtue, though not much beside.

For Roderick was asked this lofty dame; The father said Honesta* (such her name) Had many eligible offers found; But, 'mong the num'rous band that hovered round, Perhaps his daughter, Rod'rick's suit might take, Though he should wish for time the choice to make.

This approbation met, and Rod'rick 'gan To use his arts and execute his plan.

THE entertainments, b.a.l.l.s, and serenades, Plays, concerts, presents, feasts, and masquerades, Much lessened what the demon with him brought; He nothing grudged:--whate'er was wished he bought.

The dame believed high honour she bestowed, When she attention to his offer showed; And, after prayers, entreaties, and the rest, To be his wife she full a.s.sent expressed.

BUT first a pettifogger to him came, Of whom (aside) Belphegor made a game; What! said the demon, is a lady gained just like a house?--these scoundrels have obtained Such pow'r and sway, without them nothing's done; But h.e.l.l will get them when their course is run.

He reasoned properly; when faith's no more, True honesty is forced to leave the door; When men with confidence no longer view Their fellow-mortals,--happiness adieu!

The very means we use t' escape the snare, Oft deeper plunge us in the gulph of care; Avoid attorneys, if you comfort crave Who knows a PETTIFOGGER, knows a KNAVE; Their contracts, filled with IFS and FORS, appear The gate through which STRIFE found admittance here.

In vain we hope again the earth 'twill leave Still STRIFE remains, and we ourselves deceive: In spite of solemn forms and laws we see, That LOVE and HYMEN often disagree.

The heart alone can tranquilize the mind; In mutual pa.s.sion ev'ry bliss we find.

HOW diff'rent things in other states appear!

With friends--'tis who can be the most sincere; With lovers--all is sweetness, balm of life; While all is IRKSOMENESS with man and wife.

We daily see from DUTY springs disgust, And PLEASURE likes true LIBERTY to trust.

ARE happy marriages for ever flown?

On full consideration I will own, That when each other's follies couples bear; They then deserve the name of HAPPY PAIR.

ENOUGH of this:--no sooner had our wight The belle possessed, and pa.s.sed the month's delight; But he perceived what marriage must be here, With such a demon in our nether sphere.

For ever jars and discords rang around; Of follies, ev'ry cla.s.s our couple found; Honesta often times such noise would make, Her screams and cries the neighbours kept awake, Who, running thither, by the wife were told:-- Some paltry tradesman's daughter, coa.r.s.e and bold, He should have had:--not one of rank like me; To treat me thus, what villain he must be!

A wife so virtuous, could he e'er deserve!

My scruples are too great, or I should swerve; Indeed, without dispute, 'twould serve him right:-- We are not sure she nothing did in spite; These prudes can make us credit what they please: Few ponder long when they can dupe with ease.

THIS wife and husband, as our hist'ries say, Each moment squabbled through the pa.s.sing day; Their disagreements often would arise About a petticoat, cards, tables, pies, Gowns, chairs, dice, summer-houses, in a word, Things most ridiculous and quite absurd.

WELL might this spouse regret his h.e.l.l profound, When he considered what he'd met on ground.

To make our demon's wretchedness complete, Honesta's relatives, from ev'ry street, He seemed to marry, since he daily fed The father, mother, sister (fit to wed,) And little brother, whom he sent to school; While MISS he portioned to a wealthy fool.

His utter ruin, howsoe'er, arose From his attorney-steward that he chose.

What's that? you ask--a wily sneaking knave, Who, while his master spends, contrives to save; Till, in the end, grown rich, the lands he buys, Which his good lord is forced to sacrifice.

IF, in the course of time, the master take The place of steward, and his fortune make, 'Twould only to their proper rank restore, Those who become just what they were before.

POOR Rod'rick now no other hope had got, Than what the chance of traffick might allot; Illusion vain, or doubtful at the best:-- Though some grow rich, yet all are not so blessed.

'Twas said our husband never would succeed; And truly, such it seemed to be decreed.

His agents (similar to those we see In modern days) were with his treasure free; His ships were wrecked; his commerce came to naught; Deceived by knaves, of whom he well had thought; Obliged to borrow money, which to pay, He was unable at th' appointed day, He fled, and with a farmer shelter took, Where he might hope the bailiffs would not look.

HE told to Matthew, (such the farmer's name,) His situation, character, and fame: By duns a.s.sailed, and hara.s.sed by a wife, Who proved the very torment of his life, He knew no place of safety to obtain, Like ent'ring other bodies, where 'twas plain, He might escape the catchpole's prowling eye, Honesta's wrath, and all her rage defy.

From these he promised he would thrice retire; Whenever Matthew should the same desire: Thrice, but no more, t'oblige this worthy man, Who shelter gave when from the fiends he ran.

THE AMBa.s.sADOR commenced his form to change:-- From human frame to frame he 'gan to range; But what became his own fantastick state, Our books are silent, nor the facts relate.

AN only daughter was the first he seized, Whose charms corporeal much our demon pleased; But Matthew, for a handsome sum of gold, Obliged him, at a word, to quit his hold.

This pa.s.sed at Naples--next to Rome he came, Where, with another fair, he did the same; But still the farmer banished him again, So well he could the devil's will restrain; Another weighty purse to him was paid Thrice Matthew drove him out from belle and maid.

THE king of Naples had a daughter fair, Admired, adored:--her parents' darling care; In wedlock oft by many princes sought; Within her form, the wily demon thought He might be sheltered from Honesta's rage; And none to drive him thence would dare engage.

NAUGHT else was talked of, in or out of town, But devils driven by the cunning clown; Large sums were offered, if, by any art, He'd make the demon from the fair depart.

AFFLICTED much was Matthew, now to lose The gold thus tendered, but he could not choose, For since Belphegor had obliged him thrice, He durst not hope the demon to entice; Poor man was he, a sinner, who, by chance, (He knew not how, it surely was romance,) Had some few devils, truly, driven out: Most worthy of contempt without a doubt.

But all in vain:--the man they took by force; Proceed he must, or hanged he'd be of course.

THE demon was before our farmer placed; The sight was by the prince in person graced; The wond'rous contest numbers ran to see, And all the world spectators fain would be.

IF vanquished by the devil:--he must swing; If vanquisher:--'twould thousands to him bring: The gallows was, no doubt, a horrid view; Yet, at the purse, his glances often flew; The evil spirit laughed within his sleeve, To see the farmer tremble, fret, and grieve.

He pleaded that the wight he'd thrice obeyed; The demon was by Matthew often prayed; But all in vain,--the more he terror showed, The more Belphegor ridicule bestowed.

AT length the clown was driven to declare, The fiend he was unable to ensnare; Away they Matthew to the gallows led; But as he went, it entered in his head, And, in a sort of whisper he averred (As was in fact the case) a drum he heard.

THE demon, with surprise, to Matthew cried; What noise is that? Honesta, he replied, Who you demands, and every where pursues, The spouse who treats her with such vile abuse.

THESE words were thunder to Belphegor's ears, Who instantly took flight, so great his fears; To h.e.l.l's abyss he fled without delay, To tell adventures through the realms of day.

Sire, said the demon, it is clearly true, d.a.m.nation does the marriage knot pursue.

Your highness often hither sees arrive, Not squads, but regiments, who, when alive, By Hymen were indissolubly tied:-- In person I the fact have fully tried.

Th' inst.i.tution, perhaps, most just could be: Past ages far more happiness might see; But ev'ry thing, with time, corruption shows; No jewel in your crown more l.u.s.tre throws.

BELPHEGOR'S tale by Satan was believed; Reward he got: the term, which-sorely grieved, Was now reduced; indeed, what had he done, That should prevent it?--If away he'd run, Who would not do the same who weds a shrew?

Sure worse below the devil never knew!

A brawling woman's tongue, what saint can bear?

E'en Job, Honesta would have taught despair.

WHAT is the inference? you ask:--I'll tell;-- Live single, if you know you are well; But if old Hymen o'er your senses reign, Beware Honestas, or you'll rue the chain.

* By this character La Fontaine is supposed to have meant his own wife.

THE LITTLE BELL

HOW weak is man! how changeable his mind!

His promises are naught, too oft we find; I vowed (I hope in tolerable verse,) Again no idle story to rehea.r.s.e.

And whence this promise?--Not two days ago; I'm quite confounded; better I should know: A rhymer hear then, who himself can boast, Quite steady for--a minute at the most.

The pow'rs above could PRUDENCE ne'er design; For those who fondly court the SISTERS NINE.

Some means to please they've got, you will confess; But none with certainty the charm possess.

If, howsoever, I were doomed to find Such lines as fully would content the mind: Though I should fail in matter, still in art; I might contrive some pleasure to impart.

LET'S see what we are able to obtain:-- A bachelor resided in Touraine.