IF cuckoldom, my friends, such torments give; 'Tis better far 'mong savages to live!

LEST worse should happen, Damon settled spies, Who, o'er his lady watched with Argus' eyes.

She turned coquette; restraints the FAIR awake, And only prompt more liberties to take.

The silly husband secrets tried to know, And rather seemed to seek the wily foe, Which fear has often rendered fatal round, When otherwise the ill had ne'er been found.

FOUR times an hour his lips to sip he placed; And clearly, for a week was not disgraced.

Howe'er, no further went his ease of mind; Oh, fatal science! fatally designed!

With fury Damon threw the cup away, And, in his rage, himself inclined to slay.

HIS wife he straight shut up within a tower, Where, morn and night, he showed a husband's pow'r, Reproach bestowed: while she bewailed her lot, 'Twere better far, if he'd concealed the blot; For now, from mouth to mouth, and ear to ear, It echoed, and re-echoed far and near.

MEANWHILE Calista led a wretched life; No gold nor jewels Damon left his wife, Which made the jailer faithful, since 'twere vain To hope, unbribed, this Cerberus to gain.

AT length, the wife a lucky moment sought, When Damon seemed by soft caresses caught.

Said she, I've guilty been, I freely own; But though my crime is great, I'm not alone; Alas! how few escape from like mishap; 'Mong Hymen's band so common is the trap; And though at you the immaculate may smile, What use to fret and all the s.e.x revile?

WELL I'll console myself, and pardon you, Cried Damon, when sufficient I can view, Of ornamented foreheads, just like mine, To form among themselves a royal line; 'Tis only to employ the magick cup, From which I learned your secrets by a sup.

HIS plan to execute, the husband went, And ev'ry pa.s.senger was thither sent, Where Damon entertained, with sumptuous fare; And, at the end, proposed the magick snare: Said he, my wife played truant to my bed; Wish you to know if your's be e'er misled?

'Tis right how things go on at home to trace, And if upon the cup your lips you place, In case your wife be chaste, there'll naught go wrong; But, if to Vulcan's troop you should belong, And prove an antlered brother, you will spill The liquor ev'ry way, in spite of skill.

TO all the men, that Damon could collect, The cup he offered, and they tried th' effect; But few escaped, at which they laughed or cried, As feelings led, or cuckoldom they spied, Whose surly countenance the wags believed, In many houses near, might be perceived.

ALREADY Damon had sufficient found, To form a regiment and march around; At times they threatened governors to hang, Unless they would surrender to their gang; But few they wanted to complete the force, And soon a royal army made of course.

From day to day their numbers would augment, Without the beat of drum, to great extent; Their rank was always fixed by length of horn: Foot soldiers those, whose branches short were borne; Dragoons, lieutenants, captains, some became, And even colonels, those of greater fame.

The portion spilled by each from out the vase Was taken for the length, and fixed the place.

A wight, who in an instant spilled the whole, Was made a gen'ral: not commander sole, For many followed of the same degree, And 'twas determined they should equals be.

THE rank and file now nearly found complete, And full enough an enemy to beat, Young Reynold, nephew of famed Charlemain, By chance came by: the spark they tried to gain, And, after treating him with sumptuous cheer, At length the magick cup mas made appear; But no way Reynold could be led to drink: My wife, cried he, I truly faithful think, And that's enough; the cup can nothing more; Should I, who sleep with two eyes, sleep with four?

I feel at ease, thank heav'n, and have no dread, Then why to seek new cares should I be led?

Perhaps, if I the cup should hold awry, The liquor out might on a sudden fly; I'm sometimes awkward, and in case the cup Should fancy me another, who would sup, The error, doubtless, might unpleasant be: To any thing but this I will agree, To give you pleasure, Damon, so adieu; Then Reynold from the antlered corps withdrew.

SAID Damon, gentlemen, 'tis pretty clear, So wise as Reynold, none of us appear; But let's console ourselves;--'tis very plain, The same are others:--to repine were vain.

AT length, such numbers on their rolls they bore; Calista liberty obtained once more, As promised formerly, and then her charms Again were taken to her spouse's arms.

LET Reynold's conduct, husbands, be your line; Who Damon's follows surely will repine.

Perhaps the first should have been made the chief; Though, doubtless, that is matter of belief.

No mortal can from danger feel secure; To be exempt from spilling, who is sure?

Nor Roland, Reynold, nor famed Charlemain, But what had acted wrong to risk the stain.

THE FALCON

I RECOLLECT, that lately much I blamed, The sort of lover, avaricious named; And if in opposites we reason see, The liberal in paradise should be.

The rule is just and, with the warmest zeal, To prove the fact I to the CHURCH appeal.

IN Florence once there dwelled a gentle youth, Who loved a certain beauteous belle with truth; O'er all his actions she had full controul;-- To please he would have sold his very soul.

If she amus.e.m.e.nts wished, he'd lavish gold, Convinced in love or war you should be bold; The cash ne'er spare:--invincible its pow'rs, O'erturning walls or doors where'er it show'rs.

The precious ore can every thing o'ercome; 'Twill silence barking curs: make servants dumb; And these can render eloquent at will:-- Excel e'en Tully in persuasive skill; In short he'd leave no quarter unsubdued, Unless therein the fair he could include.

SHE stood th' attack howe'er, and Frederick failed; His force was vain whenever he a.s.sailed; Without the least return his wealth he spent: Lands, houses, manors of immense extent, Were ev'ry now and then to auction brought; To gratify his love was all he thought.

THE rank of 'squire till lately he had claimed; Now scarcely was he even mister named; Of wealth by Cupid's stratagems bereft, A single farm was all the man had left; Friends very few, and such as G.o.d alone, Could tell if friendship they might not disown; The best were led their pity to express; 'Twas all he got: it could not well be less; To lend without security was wrong, And former favours they'd forgotten long; With all that Frederick could or say or do, His liberal conduct soon was lost to view.

WITH Clytia he no longer was received, Than while he was a man of wealth believed; b.a.l.l.s, concerts, op'ras, tournaments, and plays, Expensive dresses, all engaging ways, Were used to captivate this lady fair, While scarcely one around but in despair, Wife, widow, maid, his fond affection sought; To gain him, ev'ry wily art was brought; But all in vain:--by pa.s.sion overpow'red, The belle, whose conduct others would have soured, To him appeared a G.o.ddess full of charms, Superior e'en to Helen, in his arms; From whence we may conclude, the beauteous dame Was always deaf to Fred'rick's ardent flame.

ENAMOURED of the belle, his lands he sold; The family estates were turned to gold; And many who the purchases had made, With pelf acc.u.mulated by their trade, a.s.sumed the airs of men of n.o.ble birth:-- Fair subjects oft for ridicule and mirth!

RICH Clytia was, and her good spouse, 'tis said, Had lands which far and wide around were spread; No cash nor presents she would ever take, Yet suffered Frederick splendid treats to make, Without designing recompense to grant, Or being more than merely complaisant.

ALREADY, if my mem'ry do not fail, I've said, the youth's estates were put to sale, To pay for feasts the fair to entertain, And what he'd left was only one domain, A petty farm to which he now retired; Ashamed to show where once so much admired, And wretched too, a prey to lorn despair, Unable to obtain by splendid care, A beauty he'd pursued six years and more, And should for ever fervently adore.

His want of merit was the cause he thought, That she could never to his wish be brought, While from him not a syllable was heard, Against the lovely belle his soul preferred.

'MID poverty oft Fred'rick sighed and wept; A toothless hag--his only servant kept; His kitchen cold; (where commonly he dwelled;) A pretty decent horse his stable held; A falcon too; and round about the grange, Our quondam 'squire repeatedly would range, Where oft, to melancholy, he was led, To sacrifice the game which near him fed; By Clytia's cruelty the gun was seized, And feathered victims black chagrin appeased.

'TWAS thus the lover whiled his hours away; His heart-felt torments nothing could allay; Blessed if with fortune love he'd also lost, Which constantly his earthly comforts crossed; But this lorn pa.s.sion preyed upon his mind:-- Where'er he rode, BLACK CARE would mount behind.

DEATH took at length the husband of the fair; An only son appointed was his heir, A sickly child, whose life, 'twas pretty plain, Could scarcely last till spring returned again, Which made the husband, by his will, decree, His wife the infant's successor should be, In case the babe at early years should die, Who soon grew worse and raised the widow's sigh.

TOO much affection parents ne'er can show:-- A mother's feelings none but mothers know.

FAIR Clytia round her child with anxious care, Watched day and night, and no expense would spare; Inquired if this or that would please his taste; What he desired should be procured with haste; But nothing would he have that she proposed; An ardent wish howe'er the boy disclosed, For Fred'rick's Falcon, and most anxious grew:-- Tear followed tear, and nothing else would do.

When once a child has got a whim in brain, No peace, no rest, till he the boon obtain.

WE should observe our belle, near Fred'rick's cot, A handsome house and many lands had got; 'Twas there the lovely babe had lately heard, Most wondrous stories of the bird averred; No partridge e'er escaped its rapid wing:-- On every morn down numbers it would bring; No money for it would its owner take; Much grieved was Clytia such request to make.

The man, for her, of wealth had been bereft; How ask the only treasure he had left?

And him if she were led to importune, Could she expect that he'd accord the boon?

Alas! ungratefully she oft repaid, His liberal treats, his concerts, serenade, And haughtily behaved from first to last: How be so bold, (reflecting on the past,) To see the man that she so ill had used?

And ask a favour?--could she be excused?

But then her child!--perhaps his life 'twould save; Naught would he take; the falcon she must crave.

THAT her sweet babe might be induced to eat, So meant the bird of Fred'rick to intreat; Her boy was heard continually to cry, Unless he had the falcon, he should die.

THESE reasons strongly with the mother weighed; Her visit to the 'squire was not delayed; With fond affection for her darling heir, One morn, alone she sought the lorn repair.

TO Fred'rick's eye an angel she appeared; But shame he felt, that she, his soul revered, Should find him poor:--no servants to attend, Nor means to give a dinner to a friend.

The poverty in which he now was viewed, Distressed his mind and all his griefs renewed.

Why come? said he; what led you thus to trace, An humble slave of your celestial face?

A villager, a wretched being here; Too great the honour doubtless must appear; 'Twas somewhere else you surely meant to go?

The lady in a moment answered no.

Cried he, I've neither cook nor kettle left; Then how can I receive you, thus bereft?

But you have bread, said Clytia:--that will do;-- The lover quickly to the poultry flew, In search of eggs; some bacon too he found; But nothing else, except the hawk renowned, Which caught his eye, and instantly was seized, Slain, plucked, and made a frica.s.see that pleased.

MEANWHILE the house-keeper for linen sought; Knives, forks, plates, spoons, cups, gla.s.s and chairs she brought; The frica.s.see was served, the dame partook, And on the dish with pleasure seemed to look.