It

was Al who reacted to the dry knocking sound that resounded several times. I

guessed he had sensed someone’s presence before the door was knocked. He gazed

at me, seemingly asking me what should be done, but I had no other choice but

to nod. I didn’t know who it was but they had probably come while knowing I was

inside the room. But for a short while Al didn’t move from his spot. As there

weren’t any maid right now, only him could open the door. Looking like he

wanted to say something, he curled his lips and heaved a little sigh before

speaking in a low voice, “We will continue this later.” He probably wanted to make

sure his voice wouldn’t reach the other side of the door. Then he suddenly

closed the book and quietly returned it to me. “Is it alright with you?” He

asked to make sure, but I couldn’t answer anything. Instead I directed my gaze

at the door to urge him to show the visitor in. For a moment, Al’s looked

displeased, but he didn’t say anything and followed my instructions.

“Please, wait a moment.” I followed his back with my eyes as he turned toward the door while raising his voice.

            He

probably had sensed I would no longer talk about this matter. If I was only

able to muster my courage once, it could be said it would have been at that one

moment. But I did not do so. If I was to borrow someone’s help, that person

would surely be Al. Now that I had lost the absolute existence that was Crow,

speaking of a person I could trust from the bottom of my heart, it was that

escort knight. That’s why, I knew I must cherish him. I was barely holding back

my wavering and sinking heart that was about to tumble and fall at Al’s feet.

“… … Big sister…”

            The

voice of my lovely little sister called me back from the sea of thoughts I was

immersed in. Her nervous face slightly red, she was standing behind the

door opened by Al. I immediately realized she had a fever. Silvia entered

inside the room while walking unsteadily and heavily breathing. The short

distance from her room to mine had put her breathing in disorder.

“Silvia, you should be resting right

now.”

            When

I propelled myself up while calling out to her, Silvia asked with ambiguous words as she threw a fleeting glance toward Al, “It’s the same for you, big

sister. I heard you had drown in the bath…” Then she suddenly fell silent. It

seemed she was hesitating whether it was alright to talk about this here. Drowning

in the bath was due to my own blunder, and if people heard about it, it could

become a drawback for me. If you only looked at that part of her, I thought

that child too seemed to be growing properly. “Al knows so it is fine to speak

about it,” when I told her that with a smile, Silvia also released a small sigh

and smiled. This ephemeral and fragile face somewhat made my chest ache.

            She

was truly concerned about me. Silvia was very kind. She was pus.h.i.+ng herself

despite her poor condition to visit her sick older sister. 

“Hum… if it is alright with you…”

            Al

supported Silvia’s wavering body until she reached my bed. My little sister who

hanged her head, saying “I’m sorry” with her cheek dyed red, was so lovely

people couldn’t help but see her in a favorable light. She aroused the desire

to protect her in every member of our family. The scene of my escort knight

leading such a feeble girl by the hand was extremely natural and didn’t have

the slightest sense of incongruity. But somehow, I tilted my head, feeling a

kind of discomfort as if something was “wrong.” Something appealed to my

intuition that the problem was with those two. Wasn’t the pairing of Silvia and

Al wrong? I probably had this feeling because the person beside Silvia wasn’t

Soleil. I suddenly realized I was surprised at myself for having such a

thought, and I heaved out the breath I had hold unconsciously. Surprised by how

conspicuous my breathing sounded was inside the room that had fallen silent

again, I shrunk my shoulders. The pain and distress I felt weren’t from my

imagination.

“Big sister, are you alright?”

            My

little sister who had approached within a reaching distance when I wasn’t paying

attention took my hand in hers. This gentle action made me feel dizzy. I, being

the lamentable coward I was, couldn’t grasp that hand.

“Yes I am fine, do not worry.”

            I

answered while shaking my head, but my own voice sounded like those of a

stranger. It felt like a voice without emotion. However, Silvia didn’t seem to

notice and smiled lightly.

“… This, it's a decoction mother

had infused for me.”

            She

gently presented me a small bottle, holding it out like it was a treasure. Then putting

on airs like she was very satisfied of herself, she placed it in my hand. Light brown leaves were jammed to the fill

inside the gla.s.s bottle. “It doesn’t… taste very good though.” She laughed and

smiled like a mischievous child, adding “keep it a secret from mother, ok?”

while she put her index finger on her lips. “It’s supposed to have the effect

of warming up the body.” As she explained the effects she tenderly stroked my

arm. Her fingers were barely touching my skin, stroking it with the softness of feathers.

“Silvia?”

            My

little sister whose gaze had dropped on her own fingers suddenly rose her head.

“Ah, sorry. You seemed cold, that’s why…” She distanced her hands. I lost that

warmth too abruptly and almost unconsciously chased after those fingers.

Perhaps I didn’t want to lose this gentleness that was offered with

unselfishness. Opening her eyes wide, Silvia grabbed back my hand without

hesitation.

            I

knew that it was these hands that would rob me of everything. But at the same

time, I remembered, in the past, it was the same hands that had protected me.

            …

… That’s all?

            I felt that Crow was laughing.

Laughing that I would tolerate and excuse her from everything, just because of

that.

*

*

            The

next day, by some kind of fate, I happened to meet with Soleil in the corridor

of the academy.

“… Once in a while, wouldn’t you eat

together with me?”

            Even

if he invited me without relaxing his stiff expression, as we were in front of

outsiders I couldn’t decline. Because he was the heir of a marquis house, as

his fiancé there was no way I could say “I don’t want to.” If we had been alone

it wouldn’t have been embarra.s.sing for him, but at any rate right now we were

in the middle of the corridor. Several students happened to be pa.s.sing by us

and they were straining their ears to hear my words. And more than anything. As

the man standing a bit behind Soleil was staring fixedly at me, I couldn’t show

the slightest carelessness. He wasn’t the friend who was always around Soleil. It was quite unusual and I also shouldn't have cross path with them. Yet my eyes had met with Soleil’s as he seemed to be looking for me

unexpectedly. Usually, I lowered by gaze and concealed my presence to not

be found out by him, yet for some reason today I saw him. And it wasn’t only

Soleil who noticed me despite my cautions.   

“… Is she your rumored fiancé?”

            Stepping

forward with a big smile on his face, Saion approached us. He pretended it was

the first time meeting me and slyly asked this question while tilting his head

obliquely. In those dark colored pupils of his, a light was glowing and he was

comparing both of our faces as though they were very interesting. I didn’t know

what the conversation between Saion and me would look like in the eyes of a third

party. Would someone notice we were already acquainted with each other? If we were meeting for the first time here, then like

anyone who was from a n.o.ble family I had to past a smile on my face and give my

greetings. No matter how agonizing it was. When I slightly bend my knees, Scion

imperceptibly raised his eyebrow and curved his lips as if what he was seeing

seemed interesting. He looked like he was about to let a laugh escape his mouth

and was enduring it.

“It is a pleasure to make your

acquaintance. I am called Ilya Il Marchisse.”

            From

the standpoint of the fiancé of Soleil, eldest child of the marquis house, it

wasn’t appropriate to a.s.sume a humble att.i.tude when meeting people for the

first time. Although giving out your name first showed you were of a lower

social status, there was no need to abase myself more than that. I had to pay

the greatest caution so as to not bring shame on Soleil’s family name. With

just this, my own position from now on could change. As I had already guessed

that Saion was a higher aristocrat from another country, I intended to be

especially careful. Meanwhile, Soleil was silently watching over what I did,

not answering Saion question “is she your fiancé?” nor supplementing my

self-introduction by confirming that it was indeed me. It probably meant he had

no intention to introduce me as his fiancé. Or because it was a well-known

fact, did he thought there was no need to expressly explain it here?

“Nice to meet you, young lady. My

name is Saion Topias.”

            There

weren’t any malice on his grinning face, but calling me “young lady” was a

boorish manner of speaking. It could be taken as if he was looking down on me.

It was an expression used by a man in the prime of his life to address a

younger woman, in other words it wasn’t a salutation exchanged between a man

and a woman close in age. If this was an evening party, it would be a sign of showing contempt for someone. However, he was someone from another

country. He may not be used to our way of speaking yet. … It was probably

better to think this way. It wasn’t like I had alluded to this topic here, but it

was a fact he had revealed himself previously. In such a case, I wondered what kind of

att.i.tude was the correct answer. 

            But

then at that moment, I noticed a piercing gaze was directed at me.

“… Soleil-sama?”

            Because

I had unintentionally whispered, I quickly swallowed my breath. Soleil who was

looking in my direction from Saion’s side probably had the same expression as

me. It was somewhat laughable that the both of us were surprised, but I bet I

was surely not in his sight. Although Saion was looking around as if he

wanted to say something, Soleil had already regained his calm and shook his

head with his usual unreadable expression. Nothing was expressed in those

thin-iced eyes of him. Well, I guess it

doesn’t matter, said Saion as he laughed lightly. “Then, shall we go?” he

added, seemingly intended to sit with us. He started walking. The people around

us were openly gazing at Soleil and I who remained behind.  While being exposed to these uncomfortable

gazes, I looked up at Soleil who stood beside me. Then, Soleil who was looking

toward me as before turned in gaze away without saying anything. He was

prompting me with his eyes to follow after Saion, but the truth was, I was at a

loss of where I should sit at. I had not even replied to Soleil who offered to

eat together.

            I

stared at his back as he was walking a few steps ahead of me. He wasn’t waiting

for my answer.

“It’s

fine to take your time, so tell me alright?”

            With

a gentle gaze, with a whispering voice, Soleil had said this to my little

sister. I had certainly heard it, but I couldn’t remember when it was. It might

have been during the tea party, or it might have been at another occasion. But

it probably wasn’t important. Silvia who said something with her reddened

cheeks, and Soleil who looked at her with a loving gaze. His eyes seemed to be

saying he unquestionably preferred my little sister’s reserved att.i.tude. I, who

was out of their field of vision but definitively not at a distance far away,

concealed my breathing. At that time, I already knew I mustn’t get in their way

and disturb the two of them.

            On

that day I was introduced as his fiancé, in the garden, Soleil had been waiting

for me to catch up to him. The image of him waiting without urging me surfaced

on the back of my eyelids. The him who had slightly loosen his lips and smiled

at the moment I finally caught up, was nowhere to be find now.

“That reminds me, I haven’t seen you

around much, where do you usually have lunch?”

            We

secured a table for four people, and Soleil and I sat facing each other. Saion

was sitting next to Soleil. I didn’t know if this alignment was correct or not.

I unavoidably started to wonder, if it had been Silvia where would she have

sat? 

“… Are there any places where you can have

lunch apart from the cafeteria?”

            Even

though he already knew the answer, Saion maliciously asked this nasty question

while making a truly mysterious expression. This person who was easily

deceiving the people around him, was he Soleil’s friend? I

felt he would be both dreadful and reliable.

“Usually, I take it in the

courtyard…”

            As

I answered, I floated an ambiguous smile. If you were a considerate person, you

would discontinue this topic here, but Saion didn’t seem to be reading the air

and continued “Do you have lunch with your friends?” Asking about something he

already ought to know, it probably had a deeper meaning. As I didn’t understand

what his objective was, I could only continue to answer his question. “No, I am

always alone.” Although I said this with the intention of implying it wasn’t a

big deal,

“… … By yourself?”

            The

one who showed a reaction was Soleil. “Y-yes, that is right” I was greatly

taken aback. My eyes opened wide. Because Soleil had shown some interest in me.

My body temperature rose suddenly. It was laughable how discomposed I became

just with this. I also knew that Saion was intently observing such a foolish

me. However, I couldn’t keep up my appearance, my heart was helplessly feeling

exhilarated. Even though I was thinking I was acting like an idiot, but a smile

naturally floated on my lips.

“… In that case, when our schedules

correspond, let’s eat together.”  

            In

the cafeteria bursting with the noise of conversation, Soleil’s voice stood

out. I wondered if I hadn’t heard him wrong but I realized it was unlikely for

him to repeat himself. So, I just stared at his face fixedly. I thought he

would correct his words, saying it was a slip of the tongue. However, he didn’t

say anything, his eyes simply reflected my own face. As if he was waiting for

an answer in the meantime, he gulped down. Like I had received an unthinkable

request, or had been offered a business deal, my back strengthened up tensely.

Saion destroyed that atmosphere in an instant with the laugher he didn’t intent

to conceal. 

“Even though you are engaged,

something is strange.”

            It’s strange to be that nervous, he

continued. Then, as if he couldn’t bear it he laughed again. “You almost look

like strangers.” However, his voice didn’t contain any laugher, it was

indifferently announcing facts. And I couldn’t deny his words, I even reflexively

agreed with him. The feeling of distance between us had not narrowed at all

since the day we met. That day I was running after his little back, I believed

without any doubt that someday I would stand beside him and see the same

scenery. However, reality wasn’t as sweet. We were never facing the same

direction nor could my wish of seeing the same panorama come true. How could I have predicted that the day he would look at another woman than me would

come?

“Shut up, Saion.”

            Soleil

threw a fleeting glance at the person sitting beside him and declared this in a

cold voice. I was the only one whose shoulders jolted in surprised. Saion

spread open both of his hands, answering without any concern, “yes, yes” as he

pretended to surrender. It was probably a normal conversation for two friends.

The one who wasn’t used to it, was just me. “… Ilya.” When my name was called

as if he was pressing me for an answer, I could only agree, “Yes, I guess.” In

the end, I had no objection to have lunch together as it was “if our schedules

correspond.” I thought it was the correct conduct a fiancé should take. If

there was no little sister there.

“Then, we must also invite

Silvichan, right?”

            I

couldn’t see Saion’s maliciousness as he cut in between us while smiling. … I

was pretending I couldn’t see it. I felt the question Saion threw toward Soleil

and I wandered in the air. The one who will receive and answer it will probably

be Soleil. Even I understood it wasn’t a good idea to answer no here. If I was

a “nice older sister” to Silvia, then I should agree to Saion’s proposal. Soleil

saw me receiving Saion’s gaze on my whole body and yet being unable to say

anything, he couldn’t remain indifferent and inhaled a small breath. Then,

he accepted as if it was truly nothing important, “Yes, indeed.” I, who was

listening to his voice as I pretended it was someone’s else business, I wonder how

I looked in the eyes of the people around us? When I suddenly rose my head, at

the end of my line of sight, Saion was here, his eyes scrutinizing me. It

looked like a smiling expression, as if he was trying to ascertain something. It

was an expression you would often see in the high society. That’s why I also

simply returned a smile.

“… By the way Saion, I have a

question for you if you don’t mind.”

            Soleil

changed the topic of the conversation quite casually. He slightly dropped his

voice and started whispering with Saion. Even so, sometimes, a smile would

float on his lips for a moment so it seemed their conversation wasn’t

particularly serious. From a few words I barely heard, I guessed it probably

was about the internal affairs of the knight department. Even during a lunch

where I was wondering if we were probing each other or not, while they were frivolously

bragging about various things, their discussion gave off a feeling of

frankness. Because the two of them held an important peerage, in the academy they

were in a position to be attended by the people from the same department.

            Even

if they didn’t order, when they took a seat, an eye-catching meal would be

served. It was a lavish meal made for aristocrats. Now that I thought about it,

it was the first time I was having lunch together with Soleil in the cafeteria.

In all those acc.u.mulating life of mine, in all this time that repeated itself,

being invited for a meal, being promised to do it again, it was the first time

for all of them. The reason my back was trembling, was surely because of the

chills I felt. Even though time pa.s.sed normally, I was driven by impatience and

uneasiness, as if someone was chasing after me. It felt like many pitch-black

hands were crawling like worms, trying to seize my back.   

            Run

away, run away, run away, yet it was a fate I couldn’t escape from.

“… Soleil-sama?”

            The

sudden appearance of my little sister was like a plot, it was like one of the

small incidents of the big course of events. As expected, I had no other choice but to watch it unfold. The face of

Soleil who had rose his head abruptly was of a different color than before.

This pale colored eyes of him had melt in a second and showed a strong emotion.

That’s right, it was like usual. I didn’t think anyone had noticed it. If you

were to wink once and observe him again, you would think it was a

misunderstanding as he was already making an unimpressed expression.

            At

once, I swallowed my voice that was about to call his name. Had I called him, I

wouldn’t have known what to say.

Nocta's notes on the traduction:

1)   "… … That’s all? I felt that Crow was laughing." This is simply Ilya remembering that time when Crow asked her why she wanted to protect Sylvia so much. After she explained the incident with the horse, Crow had answered something like "That's all? It's just for that reason?"

2)  "It wasn’t like I had alluded to this topic here, but it was a fact he had revealed himself. In such a case, I wondered what kind of att.i.tude was the correct answer. " --- If you didn't understand what Ilya was talking about (what did she allude to, what did Saion revealed) don't worry, I wasn't sure myself. There were many hard to translate bits in this chapter. I think she is talking about their previous conversation but... j.a.panese is too vague sometimes. And I want more "I", "He" "She" to know who does what!!!

3) "Saion didn’t seem to be reading the air" if you don't know, it's a j.a.panese expression meaning to read between the lines and act in consequence. But I like it this way so I left it as reading the air. Take it as my selfishness.  

Also, I'm taking a break next week. I'll be back on the 17th. Need to study more. Unfortunately. Hélas. 殘念