"The latter Id noticed. The former is nothing new."

"You could help with both, if only you pulled your head out of your a.s.s."

A muscle jumped in his jaw, a reaction at last. "This is no more any of your business than it was five years ago, Mercedes."

"It is my business, Sebastian," she said, the heat and indignation rising up inside her making her think, OK, so maybe she was just a little bit riled. "Whether you like it or not. Zeldas one of my best friends. I saw her when she was at rock bottom. I hauled her out. I helped get her into rehab. I was there for her when you were nowhere to be seen. I still am. But she needs you, and unfortunately, as much as Id like to, I cant fix that for her. Only you can. And you owe it to her to try."

She stopped. Waited. But if shed hoped that Seb would be moved by her impa.s.sioned speech, she was to be disappointed because he merely shrugged in that infuriating way he had and said, "Theres nothing to fix. Theres nothing due."

She stared at him. "What planet are you on? Theres everything due. Shes always needed you and she always will."

"Then she faces a lifetime of disappointment."

Judging by the flatness of his tone, his complete lack of concern, and the utter blankness in his eyes, that was all he had to say on the matter, and for a moment Mercy didnt know what to say or what to do because how could he be so obstinate, so brutally bleak?

Oooh, she wanted to shake him. She wanted to pummel him. Slap him. Anything that would get some sense, some emotion into him. She could feel the urge to do it bubbling up inside her but she banked it down because while she did have fiery Latin blood flowing through her veins she wasnt the type to resort to violence, and anyway, she doubted any physical blow she could land would make a difference.

However, nor could she fail. Not again. So Seb might consider this conversation over but she wasnt finished. Not by any stretch of the imagination. She had plenty more to say. And yes some of it might be a bit harsh, but what did she have to lose? What did Zelda have to lose? Nothing.

"I understand why youre like this, Seb," she said, steeling herself to stick with the plan to go in guns blazing and bear any fallout.

"Like what?"

"All 'I dont give a s.h.i.t about anything or anyone."

"Theres nothing to understand."

"You think? Our paths may have crossed only a handful of times-" Well, four, including this evening, although none of them had been exactly chatty. "But Zel has talked about you a lot over the years and I think I know you well enough."

"You dont know me at all."

She lifted her chin and took a breath. "Its because of the accident, isnt it?"

And that got a reaction.

Finally.

Sebs jaw clenched. His eyes flashed. His entire body went still. "What?"

"Its obvious, isnt it?" she said, not taking her eyes off him for even a moment even though his face was beginning to darken ominously. "When Zelda first mentioned you at school she said you used to be great. Fun. She said you used to be a wonderful big brother. She showed me a picture of you. On her phone. From before the accident. You were laughing. You looked relaxed. Happy." As well as gorgeous, s.e.xy and from that moment on very much the stuff of her pathetic adolescent dreams. "Then she said you changed. Virtually overnight. And knowing what I know, it doesnt take a genius to work it out. You were driving the car when the accident happened, werent you? And what with that nightmare you had-"

He went even stiller. "What nightmare?"

"The one you had the night I stayed here. The one that woke me up." The one that had first terrified her, then made her ache for him. "You were thrashing about, Seb. Crying out. Calling for your parents. You sounded as if you were in a lot of pain." And all shed been able to do was stroke his face and whisper that everything was all right while her heart turned inside out. "So I can make a pretty good guess at how the accident affected you," she continued, blocking out the memory of that because it had no place in this conversation. "You had the death of your parents on your conscience. Youd made your sister and yourself orphans. You were wracked with guilt. Tormented by it. Why else would you suddenly drop out of university and enlist in the French Foreign Legion, if not to escape?"

"Stop it, Mercy. Right now."

His eyes shot her a warning and the expression on his face was bleak and she nearly thought better of it, but she had to go on, and anyway what was he going to do? Frogmarch her out? Bodily remove her? That wasnt very likely, was it? "No," she said firmly. "You need to hear this, and Im going to tell you if its the last thing I do. You might have gotten away with distracting me last time, but not this time."

Seb stared at her. "Distracting you? What the h.e.l.l are you talking about?"

As if he didnt know. "Dont bother denying it," she said witheringly. "Id been here barely ten minutes before you had me up against the wall, losing my mind and my train of thought along with my intention to tell you what was going on with Zelda."

"I dont remember you protesting."

Mercy inwardly cringed. "I didnt. And its not something Im particularly proud of, although thats nothing new when it comes to you."

A muscle jumped in his jaw and if it had been anyone else shed have said her comment had stung. "Yes, well, we all have burdens to bear," he muttered.

And it was time to rid herself of the rest of hers. "Youve caused Zelda enough misery, Seb, and it has to stop or youll lose her forever. G.o.d knows youve been doing an excellent job of it, pushing her away again and again. You hurt her badly, sending her to all those boarding schools when she needed you the most and then packing her off to Switzerland after we got caught drunk on that wine. I dont think you realize how much."

"She brought everything entirely upon herself."

"No," said Mercy, her voice beginning to tremble with anger and frustration. "She didnt. You did."

His eyebrows lifted. "Me?" he said. "How the h.e.l.l do you figure that?"

Easily. "Do you feel any responsibility whatsoever for Zeldas behavior, Seb? Because you should. Ive known her since we were fifteen. Shes one of my best friends. Ive seen her go through things I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy, and its all been because of you. Every drink she threw down her throat, every drug she took, every single bad decision she made could have been avoided if only youd been the kind of brother she needed. Youre five years older than her. She became your responsibility and you washed your hands of her. All she wanted was your attention. Why do you think she played up so much? All shes ever wanted was your attention. Now shes resigned herself to not having it, to not having you in her life, but it still cuts her up. And despite all of it she still wants to talk to you."

"I cant imagine why."

"Neither can I. Especially since shes moved on so brilliantly. Shes been clean for years now. And do you know that once a month the four of us me, Zel, Dawn and Faith all meet up in a pub? In a pub. Do you understand how hard that must be for Zel? But she sticks to her virgin mojitos and deals with it. Magnificently. Ive never met anyone stronger, yet you weaken her. You take her down. So if you have any modic.u.m of humanity left in you you need to sort yourself out, Seb. Whatevers going on in your screwed up head, fix it. Let Zelda in. Surely, after everything you failed to do in the aftermath of the accident, after letting her down so badly and then not even helping her when she went off the rails, you owe her that much."

Mercy stopped, breathing hard, her head spinning, her heart pounding, emotion rushing through her. She had to have gotten through to him. She had to...

"You know nothing, Mercedes," he said, his face blank and his tone horribly bored. "Nothing."

"I know youre wallowing," she shot back.

"Wallowing?"

"Well, what else would you call it? I get the guilt, Seb, really I do. But its been thirteen years and it was an accident. Just a tragic accident. You werent to blame. No one was. So dont you think its time you stopped punishing yourself? And Zelda? Because its not fair. It never was."

"You need to leave," said Seb. "Now. And dont think Im above throwing you out."

Long heavy silent seconds ticked by, and all out of words, all Mercy could do was stare at him, note the rigidity visible in every line on his face, every inch of his body and feel her heart plummet to her feet.

Shed failed. Of course she had. What had she expected? That hed suddenly see the light and fall to his knees in grat.i.tude that shed saved his soul? He had a reputation for being intransigent. Stubborn and resolute. And why would she succeed when Zelda hadnt? Shed been an idiot coming here. There was no getting through to him. There really wasnt. He was as implacable as rock and as cold as ice. She couldnt appeal to his better nature because he didnt have one. He was a lost cause who had no soul and hed never change because he didnt want to.

Which meant that she was wasting her time here.

And so was Zelda.

"Fine," she said, fairly overflowing with frustration, disappointment and defeat as she got to her feet. "Ill go. And you can carry on sticking your cowardly head in the sand if you want to. Its your loss. And Id have thought youd lost quite enough already, but what do I know? You are so lucky to have her, Seb. I would have killed for a sibling. It makes me sick to see you squandering yours, so you can rot in this mausoleum of a mansion for all I care. Zeldas better off without you anyway. She has her friends. Sh.e.l.l be fine."

The slam of his door echoed throughout the apartment, but Seb barely heard it above the incandescent fury that was now smashing apart the ice inside him and sweeping through him as Mercys words reverberated round his head.

How dare she?

How f.u.c.king dare she?

Who the h.e.l.l did she think she was, coming in here, sitting on his sofa and invading his s.p.a.ce while she looked at him, psychoa.n.a.lyzed him and judged him? What gave her the b.l.o.o.d.y right to meddle like that and stir up things that were best left well alone?

Did she seriously think he didnt know how messed up he was on practically every d.a.m.n front? Nor why? Of course he knew. His parents had died and it had been his fault.

Theyd been living in London at the time, where his father had been the US amba.s.sador. Things for him back then had been good hed had friends and fun and life had been a breeze. At eighteen and about to go up to Cambridge, hed had the world at his feet.

Until that horrendous, devastating night.

His parents had had a dinner out of town. At a loose end for a change and so stupidly proud that hed just gotten his licence, hed offered to drive them. On the way a truck swerved across the freeway, crashed through the median strip and hit them side on. His parents had been killed on impact. Hed survived.

His physical injuries had been bad. Battered and bruised, hed broken three ribs and suffered horrendous gashes as a result of shattered gla.s.s and twisted jagged metal, but hed recovered from those soon enough. Emotionally, however, hed remained a wreck, and the external scars he eventually bore were nothing compared to his internal ones.

How many times had he wished he hadnt offered to drive that night? And how often had he wished hed driven more carefully, and crucially, more slowly?

But he hadnt, and because he hadnt, because hed been driving at a couple of miles an hour over the speed limit, their car had been right in the middle of the accident instead of way behind it.

Knowing that it had been avoidable hed held himself entirely to blame. Hed ripped his family apart and the guilt had been overwhelming, crushing and agonizing. Hed been utterly lost and he hadnt had a clue how to cope with what hed done.

Then thered been Zelda.

Overnight hed become responsible for a grieving thirteen-year-old girl, and hed had even less of an idea what to do with her. How could he possibly comfort her when her desolation, her despair and her tears, so many tears, were all because of him? Why would she even want him to? How could she bear to live in the same house as him? To even look at him?

It broke his heart and tore at the very fiber of his being to witness the depth of her sadness but what could he say? What could he do? He didnt know so he said, and did, nothing.

For days after the funeral he and Zelda had rattled round their aunts house in London like ghosts. Helpless, Seb had been unable to function until the overwhelming grief, the unbearable weight of guilt and the crushing responsibility of his sister simply became too much and he just sort of shut down.

At least it meant he could begin to operate again on a practical level. He sent his sister away to her first boarding school. He was in no place to look after her. He was in no place to do anything, except to enlist in the French Foreign Legion where he intended to push himself to extremes, to see how much he could take before he couldnt.

And that had worked too. Hed had to request special permission for leave to deal with Zel, whod gotten herself expelled from every school hed sent her to, but other than those minor irritating blips, he immersed himself in army life. It was brutally tough and just what he needed. Everyone had secrets in the Legion. No one asked any questions. He could be anyone he wanted to be and he chose to be someone else. His past became a blur. The accident, his sister, the Madison fortune, the Foundation, the houses, the responsibilities, all pushed back into the recesses of his mind, forgotten about, granting him the escape and absolution he craved.

Until the day hed been in the wrong place at the wrong time and had come out the hero he didnt deserve to be. Hed been lauded, feted, admired misguidedly, of course, but then no one knew what a fraud he was. Theyd tried to give him a medal but hed declined it, and stuck it out for another couple of years, until unable to stand the continued unwanted, unmerited attention, hed left with the aim of taking up the reins of the Madison Foundation, as if dedicating himself to running the philanthropic side of his familys considerable operation might somehow atone for what hed done.

As for what had become of his sister, well, since he hadnt kept tabs on her, hed hardly known. When he returned to New York, thanks to the medias rabid interest in her modelling career which was impossible to avoid however hard he tried, he learned that on leaving the Swiss finishing school hed sent her to after shed been expelled for stealing that wine at St. Johns, shed wrecked merry h.e.l.l all across Europe, but that was about it. By that time shed become a virtual stranger to him, careening further and further off the rails until shed gone into rehab.

She hadnt wanted his help anyway. Hed discovered that swiftly enough. The one time hed been to see her in the clinic Mercy had told him about, Zel had yelled at him that it was way too late to suddenly care and so he might as well just p.i.s.s off. Which was what hed done because she clearly hadnt wanted him there, and that was just fine with him because he didnt care.

Now his sister still was a virtual stranger even though shed moved back into this house months ago because hed made sure their paths rarely crossed. He still didnt have anything to say to her, even after all these years. Oh, he was aware shed stayed clean since coming out of rehab and he knew shed turned her back on the relentless partying she used to do, but she still shirked her responsibilities. Only three weeks ago shed just not shown up at a Foundation gala at which she was supposed to be representing the family. And then this morning hed looked out of the window to find the house surrounded by the paparazzi for the second time in as many weeks.

Stranger or not, though, Zelda had always been her own person, even when theyd been children. As a younger sister shed looked up to him, sure, and sought his approval, but shed known her own mind and shed acted on it. As a teenager, and then as an adult, shed made her choices and they might not have been the right ones but theyd been hers. Shed known the consequences. She was responsible for what she did. Not him. Her.

So hot, s.e.xy little Miss Mercedes Hernandez, with her eye-popping cleavage and her fiery, wild, wince-inducing pa.s.sion, with her unwanted, unwelcome interference and her insidious insinuations, was wrong. Downright wrong. She thought she knew him but she didnt. Nightmare or no nightmare she didnt have a clue. Not a f.u.c.king clue. If she really knew him, if she was able to see inside him, into the black, gaping hole that took up so much of him, shed never have dared confront him. Shed have run a mile.

Shed certainly never have looked at him the way she had all those years ago when she and Zelda had been at school together. Thered been such adoration in her gaze, such yearning on her face back then. Hed seen it the Christmas shed come to stay and then again that morning theyd been sitting outside the Mother Superiors office at St. Johns. Her crush on him had been so d.a.m.n obvious. Shed looked at him like she could slay his demons. Like she wanted nothing more than to look after him.

At least she didnt look at him like that now. She looked at him as though she hated him and that was fine with him. Hatred was infinitely preferable to adoration. He didnt want adoration. He didnt deserve it. He never would.

So it was good Mercedes was no longer attracted to him but loathed and despised him instead. And it was good that she believed hed taken her to bed to distract her. Far better that than her knowing the truth: that hed slept with her simply because he hadnt been able to resist. He didnt need her knowing she had that kind of a hold over him. She couldnt slay his demons anyway. No one could. Besides, he didnt want them slain. He needed them to remember that hed destroyed everything hed ever cared about. To remind him that h.e.l.l would freeze over before he risked doing it again.

So he didnt need to sort himself out. Yes, hed screwed things up, but he was OK with that. He didnt need therapy, despite what his sister had suggested when shed cornered him earlier. He didnt need anything. He wasnt wallowing and he wasnt a coward. He was fine.

Chapter Three.

What with the amount of time her MBA studies took up and the even greater amount of time shed spent thinking about that awful confrontation with Seb, wishing shed handled it differently, fearing shed gone too far and despairing that shed ruined Zeldas chances of ever achieving a reconciliation, it had been one h.e.l.l of a few weeks.

But as Mercy stood waiting for the drinks shed ordered at Sullys, the Brooklyn pub that had been in Faiths family for three generations ever since theyd emigrated to America from Ireland in the nineteen fifties, she could feel the tension in her muscles and the nagging at her conscience melting away like b.u.t.ter off a hot knife.

There was something so warm and welcoming and cozy about the place. It wasnt overly grand or anything, but it was homey and comforting and, well, loved, she supposed.

Pictures that had been collected over the years by Faiths parents and grandparents hung haphazardly on the wood-lined walls. Lights turned down low cast flattering shadows over the old oak booths, coc.o.o.ning them in privacy. Over the huge stone fireplace that was surrounded with tiles painted with shamrocks hung a portrait of JFK. Now the grate within lay unlit, but October through April a fire blazed every minute the pub was open.

On weekends Sullys was packed, buzzing with conversation and laughter as the Guinness flowed, and more often than not jumping with live music, sometimes even supplied by the band that was made up of two of Faiths four brothers.

Tonight, though, a Thursday, it was quiet. A handful of regulars propped up the wooden bar that ran the length of the far end of the room and surely had plenty of stories to tell, and maybe half a dozen of the booths were occupied.

With the drinks now served, Mercy thanked Megan, the barmaid, picked up the tray and headed for one of those booths, the one that contained her three best friends.

"Here we go, girls," she said, smiling broadly because the novelty of having everyone in one place after ten years of being scattered across the globe would never wear off and setting the tray carefully down on the table. "Round one. Virgin mojito for you, Zel," she said, handing a high-ball gla.s.s stuffed with mint and slices of lime to Zelda, "and Guinness for the rest of us."

She distributed the pints to Dawn and Faith, kept a half for herself, then slid along the red leather cushion of the bench into the s.p.a.ce beside Dawn. "Salud," she said, as they all raised their gla.s.ses and clinked them. "Have I ever told you how lovely it is to see you guys again?"

"Only every time we meet up," said Zel with a smile and her accent that was so like Sebs, not that Mercy was supposed to be thinking about him, the stupid, infuriating boludo.

"Well, I missed you. Ten years..." Mercy shook her head and wiped Seb from her thoughts. Shed kept up sporadically with her friends over that period but it hadnt been easy and it hadnt been the same. "Too d.a.m.n long."

"Were making up for it now," said Faith.

"We certainly are," said Dawn, lifting her drink and downing a good portion of it.

"Bad day?" asked Mercy, when Dawn sighed in appreciation and put her gla.s.s back down.

"Not particularly. Just long."

Dawn, beautiful Dawn, whod turned from a gangly duckling into such a swan, owned a medical research company and had a boyfriend one of Faiths gorgeous brothers whod recently moved in. "Finn keeping you busy?"

Dawn grinned. "That too."