Had he wanted to show her the wine cellar and now this? It was the only explanation, but it didnt make any sense because why would he want to do that? Then again, with his blood pounding in his ears and his brain falling apart nothing made sense right now.

He wanted to touch her so badly. Desperately. He was burning up with the need for it.

Mercy moaned. She caught her lip between her teeth and her breath hitched. And then she trembled and sighed and that was as much as Seb could take. He couldnt stand not touching her any longer, whatever came with it.

"Move up," he growled and when she did, threw himself into the drivers seat.

The convertible was an import. From Britain, and therefore a left-hand drive. Same as the last car hed driven. Automatically he put his hands on the wheel. Automatically he froze. And then it was all flooding back. The conversation his parents had been having about the evening ahead, the run-down on who was going to be at the dinner and why. The stupid, stupid pride hed felt at being able to drive them. That feeling of being oh-so-grown up, oh-so-responsible. The minute depression of the accelerator. Then the flash. The roar. The panic, the fear, and a heartbeat later, the awful, sickening silence.

His heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was trying to escape his chest. His stomach was twisting. Something was clawing at him, wanting to get out. His vision was blurring, greying.

And then amidst the suffocating darkness he felt a hand on his face. Two. One on each cheek. Pressure on his mouth. On his skin.

Mercy.

Kissing him. Sliding her hands over him. Pulling him back from the brink of despair and sending the images and the memories reeling away.

He kissed her back until his heart was pounding for an altogether different reason and the thing that was clawing away inside him had morphed into need.

He made a move to twist round and face her but she pushed him back. Her hands slipped beneath the waistband of his pants and pulled them down and then she was circling him with fingers, stroking and squeezing and then holding him steady as she bent her head.

"What are you doing?" he said, his voice harsh, every nerve ending in his body taut.

"Immersion therapy, I think they call it."

"I dont need therapy." But he did, didnt he, because while the existence of his wine cellar just about bordered on the OK, owning cars he darent drive wasnt normal. It was a problem. One which Mercy seemed to want to solve. Maybe he should let her. He wasnt doing all that well on his own. So if she thought she could help him by Christ.

Her mouth closed over him and took him into her wet velvety warmth and Seb shut his eyes as he struggled for breath, for sanity.

By wrapping her fingers around him and taking him in her mouth then maybe he should let her.

G.o.d, he should definitely let her, he thought, all rational thought obliterated by her mouth, her tongue, her lips and her hands. Why hadnt she done this before? Why had he always stopped her when shed tried? Had he gone truly mad? He was in Heaven. He was in h.e.l.l. He didnt know where he was.

"G.o.d, have mercy," he mumbled as he felt the heady, powerful rush of imminent o.r.g.a.s.m and wondered vaguely how he could stop it.

"Youre about to," she said, lifting her head and deftly rolling a condom onto him, which just about did him in. "In a Mercedes no less. How cute is that?"

She was cute. She was amazing. And she shifted herself so that she sat astride him and sank onto him, absolutely, literally, breath-taking.

He fought for control, for some kind of grip on her but she held his arms down. And then she began to move, up and down, undulating against him, tossing her head back and groaning with pleasure and he tried to hold on, but it was impossible. He couldnt. It was all just too much. His body, his mind, his senses couldnt take the a.s.sault any longer.

He felt Mercy tense, shake, heard her cry out as she dropped her head to his shoulder and released her grip on him, and then he was pushing her down, holding her fast as he thrust up, and coming harder than he ever had in the most incredible 'just s.e.x of his life.

Chapter Nine.

"So how are things going with Seb?" Faith asked Mercy at the table in their booth at Sullys on the second Thursday in December. "Not all that great by the gloomy, contemplative looks of you. Is everything OK?"

Mercy sighed. Now there was a question. Everything, she had the horrible sinking feeling, was very much not OK. "Not exactly," she said, staring down into her half pint.

"Whats happened?" said Dawn.

Sunday morning had happened. That was what had happened, although after several days of thinking about it she knew now that shed been well on her way to disaster before that. "Our 'just s.e.x arrangement is no longer working," she said, looking up first at Dawn, then at Faith. "Not for me, anyway."

"Oh," said Dawn, her face falling.

"How come?" said Faith.

Dios, where to start...? "Well, firstly," she said, "theres my checklist."

"What checklist?" said Faith.

"I thought that as our arrangement was supposed to be casual it might be sensible to have something against which I could gauge how things were going. In case I was getting more involved that I intended to."

"Very sensible," said Dawn approvingly.

"Whats on it?" asked Faith.

"Different scenarios," said Mercy. "With multiple choice options. Like the ones in those magazines I used to smuggle into St. Js. Such as you have to go back to Mendoza tomorrow and youre never going to see Seb again. Do you feel a) nothing b) mildly disappointed but youll get over it c) devastated? That kind of thing."

"Clever," said Dawn.

Yes, well, not really proof against anything as it turned out. "As long as my responses were either 'nothings or 'mildly disappointeds I figured Id be fine."

"And were they?"

"Yes. To begin with at least. As and Bs every time. More As, in fact."

"But then?"

Mercy sighed, deep and long. "They changed. And now theyre all Cs." 'Devastateds.

"Oh," said Faith after a moments silence.

"Quite," said Mercy, dolefully staring down into her drink.

When it had happened she couldnt really say. All she knew was that as the weeks pa.s.sed and she got to know the real man rather than the schoolgirl fantasy her feelings towards him had changed. Shed realized what was happening, but she certainly hadnt taken heed. She hadnt really attached all that much importance to it. Certainly not enough to do anything proper about it.

But on Sunday night, as shed sat in her apartment thinking about what had happened in his garage, she hadnt been able to deny it any longer. This wasnt just s.e.x anymore. She didnt know exactly what it was. But she did know that her heart had turned over to see him in such distress. She did know that every muscle she had had burned with the desire to make him feel better. She did know that she cared about him. A lot.

"Is this bad?" asked Faith, yanking her out of her thoughts.

"Its very bad," said Mercy. "I think about him all the time. I cant stop thinking about him. And I want things."

"What sort of things?" asked Dawn.

"Things I very definitely shouldnt. I want to know what hes thinking. I want to talk to him forever. I want to spend Christmas with him. I want everything." She stopped, shook her head and frowned. "I just cant understand it. I mean, what changed? What happened?"

"Do you really not know?" asked Dawn, looking at her with a shrewdness that for some reason made her heart beat faster.

"I really dont know."

"For someone supposedly good at reading people youre not very good at reading yourself, are you? Youre in love with him."

As Dawns words. .h.i.t her brain Mercy froze. No. She wasnt in love with him. She couldnt be. It wasnt part of the deal.

But.

It would explain a lot.

Such as the pride and admiration shed felt when shed heard that hed reconciled with Zel. Such as the tugging of her heartstrings when shed caught glimpses of the vulnerability he tried so hard to hide. The deep wrenching ache she felt whenever she thought about what hed been through. The jealousy that had shot though her when theyd been talking about his past lovers. Shed actually wanted to tear the eyes out of women she didnt even know, especially the one whod taught him how to say that phrase in Spanish. The way shed worried about him spending Thanksgiving alone, wishing they could have spent it together.

Those, she thought now, panic beginning to flutter through her, hadnt been the responses of an indifferent woman. Theyd been the responses of a woman who cared very much about him, who just wanted him to be OK, who loved him.

Oh s.h.i.t, she thought, her head pounding and her heart racing. Oh G.o.d, oh G.o.d, oh G.o.d. She was in love with him. How could she not be? The man had his own rose garden that was a sort of tribute to his mother, for heavens sake. He was strong and brave and difficult, and now she doubted shed ever not been in love with him.

"I think youre right, Dawn," said Mercy, her voice sounding distant and woolly as her world imploded. "I think I am in love with him."

"Of course you are," said Dawn.

"I think Im nuts about him. I think I probably always have been. Only now its not a crush. Its the real thing, and, oh G.o.d, its a mess."

"A mess?" said Faith frowning in bewilderment.

Mercy sank her head in her hands. "Im doomed, I tell you, doomed."

"And possibly being just the teensiest bit melodramatic?" said Dawn.

"Its a New Word of the Day," said Mercy, everything in her sinking to the floor. "But it fits. Because this is never going to end happily. I think I want everything with him love, children, a future and he wants just s.e.x."

"But what if he doesnt?" said Faith. "What if its changed for him too?"

Oh, if only...

But that wasnt the case, and she knew it wasnt because hed been quiet after the ride in the Mercedes. Withdrawn. Clearly not happy. And she thought she knew why. Shed pushed him too far with all that talk of healing. Shed asked too much of him. And hed backed off. She hadnt seen him again once theyd gone upstairs and shed taken a quick shower. She didnt know where hed gone. Shed just waited a while, then as day had dawned, had gotten dressed and left, feeling sick.

"It hasnt," she said despondently. "It really hasnt."

"Do you know for that sure?" said the ever optimistic Faith. "Because, you know, if he wanted it and you wanted it, it could work. I know youre piled high with your studies, but I cant imagine Seb would be the type to rush into cohabitation or anything either. Hes been on his own, emotionally and physically, for years. That kind of thing takes some adjusting, Id have thought, and you have time."

"Shes right," said Dawn.

Faith nodded. "You could muddle your way through it."

Mercy shook her head and stamped down hard on the flicker of hope that flared inside her because that kind of thinking would only lead to disappointment. "Hes not going to change, Faith. Really he isnt. He even warned me against thinking he might."

There was a contemplative silence following that. "Well, on the upside," said Faith eventually, "hes not a brother of mine, which can only be good."

"Hes Zels, though." Mercy groaned as the truth of that hit her on top of everything else. "Shes going to hate me."

"Of course she isnt," said Faith. "Shes loving the changes shes seeing in him. Why would she hate you when those changes are largely down to you?"

"Because its going to ruin everything."

"Why?" said Dawn.

"I dont know, but it is."

"Has anyone heard from her?" said Faith.

"I had a text," said Dawn. "Shes fine. Enjoying it. And Ty arrived yesterday to surprise her." She turned to Faith. "Did you have any idea he was going to do that?"

"Nope. Turns out hes quite the romantic."

Mercy sighed at the thought of how happy Zel was, how well everything was going for her. "You have no idea how envious of you and Zel I am right now, Dawn."

"It wasnt exactly easy for either of us."

"No. But you got your happy endings and now look where you are. Finns moved in with you and Zels in St. Petersburg, no doubt being romanced with rides in troikas to The Summer Palace or wherever. Thats not going to happen here."

"Look, why dont you just tell Seb how you feel and see what he says?"

As all her blood rushed to her feet, Mercy stared at Dawn, aghast. "What? No. No. Way. Are you insane? Hed run a mile."

"Zel says hes chilling out."

"Maybe he is with her," she said, her pulse suddenly racing, "but he isnt with me. And he very definitely wouldnt be chilled about my being in love with him. Its not the deal. I should know the parameters I sort of set them. So I cant go changing them."

Dawn looked at her over the rim of her gla.s.s. "Id have thought if you set them then thats exactly what you can do."

"Stop it. You always put ideas into my head."

"The last one was a good one, wasnt it?"

Mercy blinked. "Yes. No. Dios, I dont know anything anymore."

"Have another drink while you think about it," suggested Faith.

"Good idea," she said because if ever there was a time for alcohol this was surely it.