MRS. S. But I told you to put in some tea, and I gave you the tea-caddy.

POLLY. Yes, ma'am.

MRS. S. Then what did you do with the tea?

POLLY. Put it into the kettle, ma'am.

MRS. S. Into the kettle! Give me the kettle at once.

POLLY. Yes, ma'am.

[_MRS. S. pours out; an inky fluid comes out of the spout.[A]_

[A] For this brew plenty of blacking should be mixed with water; it should be shaken up the last thing to make sure that the blacking has not sunk to the bottom.

MRS. S. Oh! what a way of making tea!

MRS. C. You'll excuse me if I go away, Mrs. Smiler. I'm so afraid of being taken worse if I stay here after what has happened.

THE OTHERS. And we really feel we had better do the same. Good afternoon, Mrs. Smiler.

[_They all get up and go towards the door. The door is thrown violently open and SUKEY rushes in._

MRS. S. Oh, Sukey! There you are at last.

ALL THE GUESTS [_looking at her_]. At last!

SUKEY. I'm so sorry, ma'am; I fell off my bicycle, and it's broken.

MRS. C. [_solemnly_]. What did I say!

SUKEY. I did so want to be here to make the tea.

MRS. S. You had better have been. Look!

[_Pours out of the kettle some of the black liquid._

SUKEY. Oh dear! I'll get another. [_Opens cupboard, gets out another kettle._] I'll soon make it boil.

[_Puts water into kettle and puts it on the fire._

MRS. B. I don't think we'll wait for any more tea-makings, thank you.

Good afternoon.

ALL. Good afternoon. [_They all go out._

MRS. S. Oh dear! Oh dear! My tea-party has not been a success. Sukey, take it off again, they've all gone away.

[_MRS. S., SUKEY, and POLLY all sing together_, "Sukey, take it off again, they've all gone away!"

QUICK CURTAIN

[Ill.u.s.tration: 3. POLLY PUT THE KETTLE ON.

Polly put the kettle on, Polly put the kettle on, Polly put the kettle on, we'll all have tea. Sukey take it off again, Sukey take it off again, Sukey take it off again, they've all gone away.]

GOOSEY-GANDER

CHARACTERS

THE GANDER THE DRAKE THE BAILIFF FARMER GILES THE COUNTESS MELISSA

The GANDER and the DRAKE have a language of their own which they are supposed to use when speaking to one another, but the parts are here written in ordinary language to be understood by the audience. They understand what the human beings say, but cannot join in conversation with them.

SCENE I

_A road, paling at back, parallel to front of stage, with gate supposed to be leading into farmyard. Enter GANDER R. Walks rapidly to the centre of the stage, then suddenly stops as if bewildered, looks on ground in every direction._

GANDER. Why, it's gone! [_Enter DRAKE L._

DRAKE. Good morning, Gander.

GANDER. Good morning's all very well, but where is it?

DRAKE. What? Where? Which?

GANDER. Really, Drake, you're the stupidest bird. You're nearly as stupid as my wife, and I never saw such a goose as she is. Don't you see what I'm looking for? Don't you see what's gone?

DRAKE. Oh, you don't mean--what! the puddle! Gone!

GANDER. Of course. Only yesterday morning there was a nice large hole just in the middle of the road, and a large puddle in it.

DRAKE. So there was. So convenient and delightful.

GANDER. Yes, you were always sure of finding a puddle there, however dry the rest of the road was.

DRAKE. But where has it gone to? Who can have taken it?

GANDER. Oh, I know quite well--it's that bailiff, of course. And I know why he did it, too. It was just to spite me, as he knew that was my favourite walk.