SPIDER. Really, the manners of these two-legged persons!

NURSE. I'll soon chase it away. Shoo! Shoo! I'll stamp upon him if I get a chance. That will teach him to be a spider.

[_SPIDER gets down off the tuffet and runs rapidly round the tree.

NURSE pokes at it with her umbrella. Prolong chase ad libitum.

Then SPIDER hides behind tree, looking out at intervals._

NURSE. There now, he's gone.

m.u.f.fET. Oh dear, Nursie, I want to go home. I'm so frightened.

NURSE. Well, come along home then. [_Takes up bowl and pushes the pram._] Poor little Miss m.u.f.fet!

m.u.f.fET. I sat on a tuffet eating my curds and whey and there came that big spider ... [_Buries her face against her nurse._

NURSE. And sat down beside her and frightened Miss m.u.f.fet away! Well, never mind, darling, he's gone into his hole, and you will never see him again. [_They go out L. SPIDER puts his head round the tree._

SPIDER. Hole, indeed! [_Comes out._] No hole for me, but a nice big web where I can see what is going on. Now, where shall I begin it? [_Looks round._] Ah, there, I think! But I'll just have a dance first--it's a great thing having so many legs for these new dances. [_Dances round. At end of dance._] And now to work! [_Throws rope over bough._

QUICK CURTAIN

[Ill.u.s.tration: 7. LITTLE MISS m.u.f.fET.

Little Miss m.u.f.fet sat on a tuffet eating of curds and whey. There came a big spider and sat down beside her, and frightened Miss m.u.f.fet a-way.]

HUMPTY DUMPTY

CHARACTERS

MRS. DUMPTY KING'S MAN MRS. PRINGLE COLONEL SOLDIERS _ad lib._ HUMPTY DUMPTY SERGEANT-MAJOR

SCENE

_One side of a village street--a wall about two feet high up stage, parallel to the audience. This can be represented by anything that a child could stand on for a minute before jumping down. Behind it R.C. Mrs. Dumpty's house is seen--a little gate in the wall at back L.C. leading to house. There should be exits R., L., and C. at back through gate. MRS. DUMPTY and MRS.

PRINGLE standing at gate._

MRS. P. Well, good morning, Mrs. Dumpty, I must be running off now.

MRS. D. Very kind of you to have come in, Mrs. Pringle. I am sorry Humpty was out, I'd like you to have seen him.

MRS. P. Oh, I can do without seeing him every day, thank you. Is he as fat as ever?

MRS. D. How you _do_ go on about his being fat, Mrs. Pringle. You don't want me to starve the child, do you?

MRS. P. No, but there's a lot of difference between starving and over-feeding. I'm sure my Billy don't get the half of what you give Humpty, and just look at him!

MRS. D. Look at him, indeed! Humpty only gets the same as we get, and has done ever since he's been born. I suppose your Billy gets nothing but bread and milk.

MRS. P. He didn't have pork chops when he was six months old, if that's what you mean, Mrs. Dumpty.

MRS. D. Well, I was never one to grudge a baby a bit of anything it cried for, and no one can say Humpty's not a fine boy now.

MRS. P. He may be a fine boy, but he is a very naughty one. He makes more noise than all the rest of the boys put together. [_Noise heard outside._] That sounds like him now.

MRS. D. It's just his high spirits, Mrs. Pringle. I like a boy to have a bit of spirit. [_Enter HUMPTY with a great noise._

HUMPTY. Hallo, mother!

MRS. D. Don't you see Mrs. Pringle, dear?

HUMPTY. Yes, I wish I didn't. I don't like Mrs. Pringle.

MRS. D. Oh, Humpty, I'm surprised at you.

MRS. P. [_offended_]. I think I'd best be going, Mrs. Dumpty.

HUMPTY. Look out that you don't miss the procession, Mrs. Pringle.

MRS. D. What procession?

HUMPTY. Haven't you heard? All the King's horses and all the King's men are coming along here on their way to the Coronation.

MRS. D. Well, that's very nice. I'll take you to the end of the road, and we'll look at them.

HUMPTY. But we needn't go to the end of the road--they pa.s.s right along here. I shall only have to get on the wall and I shall see beautifully.

MRS. D. You're not to get on without me holding on to you. I'm not going to have you falling off and breaking all your bones.

MRS. P. I don't believe he's got bones to break. He is made of nothing but fat and naughtiness.

HUMPTY [_boisterously_]. That's right, Mrs. Pringle. Stick up for me.

MRS. P. I'm not sticking up for you, you naughty boy--I'm only sorry for your poor mother having such a son. So unlike my Billy!

MRS. D. Oh, it's only his playful way, Mrs. Pringle. Run along and wash your face, Humpty, there's a good boy.

HUMPTY. I don't want to wash my face.

MRS. D. Well, I'm sure I don't know what the King will say if he sees you with a face like that.