LADY TWOMBLEY.

As far as I can see there are two devils to pay already.

MRS. GAYl.u.s.tRE.

Ha, ha! Here's Drumdurris. Remember.

[After talking to the others, DRUMDURRIS approaches LADY TWOMBLEY, bowing stiffly to MRS. GAYl.u.s.tRE, who shakes her fist behind his back, LADY TWOMBLEY gives a small nervous shriek.]

EARL OF DRUMDURRIS.

Aunt?

LADY TWOMBLEY.

[With her hand to her heart.] Spasms.

MRS. GAYl.u.s.tRE.

[Smiling sweetly at DRUMDURRIS.] Delightful morning.

[She takes up a newspaper. SIR JULIAN and LADY EUPHEMIA stroll out.]

LADY TWOMBLEY.

[To DRUMDURRIS.] Keith, dear, I want to say a word to you about--dear Mr. Lebanon.

EARL OF DRUMDURRIS.

Ah! Aunt!

LADY TWOMBLEY.

Have patience, Keith!

EARL OF DRUMDURRIS.

Patience!

LADY TWOMBLEY.

When I begged you to entertain him at Drumdurris I didn't deceive you. I distinctly told you he was one of nature's n.o.blemen.

EARL OF DRUMDURRIS.

I would do much to please you, Aunt Kate, but this individual and his sister----

LADY TWOMBLEY.

You must follow the democratic tendencies of the age, Keith. The peer must go hand in hand with the pig.

EARL OF DRUMDURRIS.

Yes, but let it be the companionable, clubable pig. Oh, I have just left him at the breakfast-table.

LADY TWOMBLEY.

Is he making a tolerable breakfast this morning?

EARL OF DRUMDURRIS.

He seems to be making every breakfast in Great Britain.

LADY TWOMBLEY.

I see him at it.

EARL OF DRUMDURRIS.

He consumes enough coffee to put a fire out.

LADY TWOMBLEY.

Yes; and he swoops down on a cold bird like a vulture.

EARL OF DRUMDURRIS.

It's hideous to see him hurl himself at an omelette.

LADY TWOMBLEY.

I know; and with eggs he's a conjurer. What's he engaged on now?

EARL OF DRUMDURRIS.

When I left him he was an unrecognizable ma.s.s of marmalade. He must go!

LADY TWOMBLEY.

Don't disregard the sacred laws of hospitality!

EARL OF DRUMDURRIS.

I must. At another time I might endure him, but now when I am utterly crushed by my own agonizing trouble---- Hark!

LADY TWOMBLEY.

What's the matter?