"Love." Jordan laughed harshly. "It will be the death of us."

A coldness swept over her. "What do you mean?"

"This love you're so proud of only destroys. If you'd asked my father, he would have said he loved his sons. The beatings were just to keep them on the right track. He loved his wife. So what if he fooled around? He slept in his own bed every night. That made things okay. His father and uncles, his brothers, even his grandfather had done the same thing before him."

He paused for a moment and leaned back against the hospital bed. "You want to hear about love? Craig loved his first wife, Krystal. She was an alley cat, but he didn't know for years. She was just like our father. She came on to each of his brothers. It scared us, and we never told him. Krystal claimed she loved Craig. Supposedly she loved her boys, although she managed to leave them and never once visit them after the divorce. Love destroys everything it touches."

Holly didn't know what to say to him. Her first instinct was to tell him he was wrong. Love didn't hurt. But it had hurt people in her life. Her mother had loved her father, and he'd let her down. Even when she was dying, he couldn't be bothered to help.

Holly knew love sometimes did hurt. Like when her mother had died. But there were good sides to love. She'd had wonderful times with her mother.

"Sometimes love is worth the risk of hurting," she said.

"You really believe that?"

"Yes," she said. "What about your family? You care about them."

"One exception in a long, ugly list of rules."

She studied his face. He was tired. She could see that in the shadows under his eyes. She wished she could make him feel better. "We're quite a pair," she said. "You believe love hurts, and I'm afraid to trust anyone."

Like love, trust was a risky business, but when it worked, it was worth the potential for heartbreak. Did she believe it enough to convince him of that?

"I wish I had the right words to make you feel better," she said miserably.

"That's not your job. I'll be fine."

She thought about the sixteen-year-old boy who had learned ugly family secrets. He'd said he'd kept them to himself, and she believed him. He'd carried this burden for a long time. She didn't agree with his need to blame Louise, but she understood where the impulse came from.

"You're exhausted," he said. "Go to bed. I'll be fine."

She shook her head. "In a minute." She rose, then perched on the edge of his mattress. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

She didn't tell him she was sorry for him. He wouldn't want her pity or her understanding. Instead, she told him without words. She leaned forward and rested her head in the crook of his neck, then wrapped her arms around him.

He didn't respond in any way. She continued to hold on to him, willing him to accept her comfort. Bits of the evening's conversation filled her mind. He'd carried dark secrets for too long. She wanted to help him, but he wouldn't let her.

Her eyes burned, and she tried to force back the tears. One escaped. Before she could brush it away, it fell on his neck.

Jordan grabbed her arms and set her away from him. He studied her face, then reached up and touched a tear. "I'm not worth even one of these," he said gruffly.

"You're wrong. You're worth so much more."

He muttered a curse, then hauled her against him. She settled against his strength and held him tight. How alone he must be, this man who refused to believe in love. How alone she was, a woman who refused to trust. Would they ever be able to take that leap of faith, or were they destined to spend their lives searching for the one thing they feared to claim?

Holly knew she didn't want that to be her destiny. She wanted more out of life. But she was afraid.

Another time she would wrestle with the demons that kept her alone. Another time she would search her heart and try to find the key to escape her solitary world. For tonight it was enough to hold and be held in Jordan's comforting arms.

Chapter 12.

W hen Holly came down to breakfast the next morning, she found Louise already up and making coffee. If she hadn't known what had happened the previous night, she might not have noticed the slightly puffy eyes and shadows from sleeplessness, but she still would have known something was wrong. It took her a moment to figure out why, then she realized it was Louise's clothes.

Instead of her normally, bright, barely matching colors, Louise wore black jeans and a plain white long-sleeved shirt. Also missing were her frequently zany earrings. Plain gold studs gleamed in each earlobe.

Before Holly could say anything, she heard Jordan behind her. She turned and gave him a tentative smile. He didn't respond, but as he walked past her, he squeezed her hand.

She'd spent most of last night in his bed. They'd held each other silently. Finally, when his breathing had slowed and she'd known he'd fallen asleep, she'd made her way upstairs to her room. She hadn't been able to sleep much, instead replaying the events of the previous evening over and over in her head. Mistletoe had cuddled close, and the cat's warmth and gentle purring had been a great source of comfort as she'd wrestled with all that she'd learned.

Questions of right and wrong, who had hurt whom and why had dominated her thoughts. At last she understood why Jordan was always angry with Louise. She wished there was an easy solution for everyone, but there wasn't. She felt badly for both him and for the housekeeper.

Jordan stepped into the kitchen. Louise didn't turn around, but her shoulders stiffened.

"The coffee's not ready," she said. "It'll be a few minutes. I'll bring you a cup." The housekeeper's hands shook as she measured out the coffee grounds.

Jordan stared at her for a moment. Holly watched him. Emotions flashed through his eyes. She recognized compa.s.sion and a flicker of regret, but anything else disappeared before it could be identified. He paused in the kitchen, then turned and left.

Louise filled the pot with water. "Talk about tension," she said, then tried to smile. The corners of her mouth trembled.

"I'm sorry," Holly said, then crossed to the other woman.

Louise blinked several times. "He told you."

It wasn't a question. "No. I overheard. I didn't mean to, but..." Her voice trailed off.

Louise's blue eyes filled with tears. "Everything is going to come out eventually. I suppose you think I'm a horrible person."

"The thought never crossed my mind." Impulsively Holly reached toward her and gave her a hug. Louise hugged her back, then quickly straightened.

"All this emotion before I've even had my morning coffee. I'm not sure my old heart can stand it."

Louise turned back to the coffeepot and flipped on the switch. Then she settled at the small kitchen table by the window.

It was a cool, crisp winter day. The clear sky provided a perfect backdrop for the bright sunlight. Holly took the seat next to her.

"Everything he said is true," Louise said, resting her hands on the table. "I knew it was wrong to fall in love with Earl Haynes, so I'm not sure why I did it." She shrugged. "There are the usual excuses. I didn't feel that anyone cared about me, and Earl made me feel special. Pretty, even. I never meant to hurt anyone."

A tear trickled from the corner of her eye. She wiped it away impatiently. "I was a fool."

"You were very young." Holly leaned toward her. "I don't understand everything that happened. I agree that you made a mistake, but you were only seventeen years old. He was an adult. He should have known better."

"Maybe."

"Not maybe. He was a mature man with a wife and four children. He took advantage of you."