"I need to write something that will make her want to accept me." Jill found herself staring at the clay dog in Katie's hands. "We know she likes dogs. I'll say I'm looking for a corgi puppy for my daughter."

"You mean your sons. You're me."

"Oh, right." Jill got excited. "I'll tell her I thought her puppy was cute, and I'm curious who her breeder is. People love to talk about their dogs, and you don't see many corgis."

"It might work." Katie molded Winn-Dixie's other leg. "She's so young, she has a practice dog. Remember when you thought a dog was just like a baby, then you found out a dog is nothing like a baby?"

Jill clicked the box to send a friend request and typed a direct message: Dear Nina, I think your puppy is supercute. My boys would love a puppy like that. Who is your breeder? Best, Katie She clicked SEND MESSAGE. "Think she's online?"

"Of course. Everybody's online at night, especially the hot girls. They talk to the men while the moms talk to each other."

"She is hot, the Realtor said."

"You jealous?"

"Of course not. I feel bad for her. G.o.d knows what scam he's running on her. She could be another drug rep, but if that's true, he's taking a big risk not using his real name. Someone could recognize him as William Skyler." Jill thought a minute. "I bet she doesn't know he's dead. She's probably wondering where he is."

"Unless she killed him."

"Aren't we dark, Winn-Dixie?" Jill glanced over, surprised, then her attention returned to the screen. "It can't be a coincidence that she works for a drug company. William targets women to use them."

"You know, I worry about you, girl. You fell out of love, but you need to fall out of hate."

"What?" Jill looked over again, and Katie's pretty features had fallen into troubled lines.

"I know you're not in love, but are you in hate? Because that's no good, either."

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't get closure on William, not really, because of the way it ended. You didn't see it coming. You're still emotionally involved with him."

"No, I'm not." Jill scoffed.

"Then why are we looking up Nina the Egg?" Katie c.o.c.ked her head, and her reddish blonde bangs fell into her eyes. "You told me you cared if he was murdered because Abby cared, and I bought that. Well, now what? Abby's out, but you're still in."

Jill had to admit that it was true. "You're right."

"I know I am. I always am." Katie smiled. "So the question remains. Why do you care whether William was murdered or not?"

"I guess I do care, and maybe you're right." Jill shook her head, considering it. "I know I'm not in love with him anymore, but maybe I'm in hate. I'm not sure. But I do know that today, I got all the way up to New York, and I found all this out about his double life, and I felt like I was getting to the real him, like finding out what he was really up to."

"Yeah, so? Why does it matter to you, what your ex-husband is up to?"

Jill thought harder. "I guess that all this time, since what happened with the script pads and the way William left that night, I never knew what he was up to, in my own marriage. Under my own roof, under my own nose."

"Aww, honey." Katie's face fell into sympathetic lines. "Finding out what William was up to in New York isn't the same as finding out what he was up to in your marriage. That time has pa.s.sed."

"Has it?" Jill looked up, questioning. "I'm still the same person. He's still the same person."

"Except for the dead part."

"It doesn't matter. Time doesn't matter. I want to know who William really is, or was. The truth of who he is, because I think it will help me understand the truth of who I am, or who I was in that marriage, and how I'll be the next time, if Sam comes around." Jill was finally getting some clarity, and she felt like it was her heart talking, now. "You can't go forward to the next step without figuring out the last one, right? It's like I'm trying to diagnose what went wrong in my own marriage, and part of me feels this will help. Because I really want my next marriage to last, Katie. Whoever I marry, Sam or no. I want it to work. I want forever, too, and I'm scared that this is my last chance." Jill felt tears in her eyes, and Katie put a warm hand on her shoulder.

"Okay, then. I get it, and I'll help you, whatever you need."

Suddenly the monitor screen changed, and both women turned to the laptop. Nina D'Orive had accepted the friend request, with a direct message: Dear Katie, My puppy rocks! Check out my photo alb.u.m to see more of her and her littermates! I love my breeder and she ships. Do you want the address? Thx for asking! Sincerely, Nina ox "Oh my G.o.d." Jill felt her heart pound. She couldn't believe she'd just made contact with William's girlfriend, when this morning she didn't even know he had a girlfriend.

"She uses the ox for someone she doesn't even know? She's definitely Barbie." Katie set down the clay dog. "What's the matter with women?"

"I'm writing her back. I want to start a conversation with her, to see where it will lead." Jill clicked COMPOSE MESSAGE. "She could know everything about William, about what he was doing and why."

"Or, like I said, she could be the killer."

"Killers don't have corgis." Jill typed, Dear Nina, I'd love the breeder's address and anything else you can tell me about your dog. I never had a corgi before and I'm on the fence. Are they good with kids? Best, Katie Jill hit SEND MESSAGE. "See, I want her to convince me. I need to engage her."

"You sure this is safe?" Katie asked, her tone worried.

"Yes. Now, let's see what else we can find out about our new friend." Jill navigated to Nina's Info page, and her listed address was Hoboken, New Jersey. "That's funny. I had a Manhattan address for her. She must have moved."

"Jill, do you see what I see?" Katie pointed to PERSONAL INFO, and under STATUS, it read, Married. "Barbie's cheating on Ken."

"Whoa. That must be what happened with the address. She moved and married, but didn't change her name." Jill read down, noticing that Nina listed her employer as Pharmcen, but didn't specify her job. The page showed that she had sixty-three friends, twenty-nine in the Pharmcen network, and five others were family, including her husband. His profile picture was of an overweight guy in a sweatshirt, and his name was Martin Dunwilig. "See, the husband's last name is different."

Katie squinted at the husband's photo. "Dude. Unfortunate fashion choices. Also, hit the gym. Wifey's skinny for a reason."

Suddenly another message from Nina popped onto the screen: Dear Katie, I see from your FB page that you don't live that far from me, and your sons are adorable! If you want, you can bring them to meet my puppy Ruby! We can meet at the park! They'll fall in love! Sincerely, Nina Xo "Wow." Jill grinned, but Katie recoiled.

"You're not going to meet her, are you?"

"What do you think?" Jill hit COMPOSE MESSAGE. "Don't worry, I won't bring the boys. I'll just tell her I will."

"You shouldn't go alone, honey. Want me to go with you?"

"No, how can you? I'm you."

"I'll be me, and you be you." Katie screwed up her face. "Wait. I'm confused."

Jill laughed. "No thanks, I'll go alone. You don't know which questions to ask."

"She'll see that you're not me. We don't look alike."

"d.a.m.n." Jill paused, thinking. "What's your profile picture?" She plugged in Katie's name, and her Facebook page popped onto the screen. Her profile picture was of her boys, as was every other picture on the page. "No worries. The least-photographed person in the world is a mother."

"Wait, I think I have a shot of me in there. Let me check." Katie palmed the mouse, navigated to an alb.u.m, and found a vacation picture that had a photo of her, but in a Phillies hat that covered her features. "Just one."

"Perfect. You can't see your face at all."

"Thanks. Also my hips are wider than yours."

"No, they're not, and she's a girl, so she won't notice."

"That's who does notice." Katie leaned over. "I don't think you should meet her."

"Why not?" Jill went back to Nina's page. "You don't mind that I'm using your name, do you?"

"No, but maybe it's dangerous. I think you should let it go."

"Luckily, you're not my mother," Jill said, typing away.

Chapter Forty-five.

The house phone started ringing almost as soon as Jill got home and closed the front door behind her. She dropped her purse on the console table and ran to the kitchen for the call, with Beef trotting after her, wagging his tail. "h.e.l.lo?" she said, picking up.

"Hi, how are you?" It was Sam, still sounding cool, so Jill dialed down her expectations, like putting on jeans you knew wouldn't fit.

"Fine, thanks. You?" Jill flicked on the kitchen light and stretched the cord to take a seat at the island. She hit the mouse on her laptop, and the screen came to life, displaying her email inbox. She scanned the new messages to see if Rahul's bloodwork had come in, but it hadn't. The lab must've lost it somehow.

"Good. Busy. Met with Lee, then have to prepare for tomorrow. I'm glad they found Abby. I cared, even though it sounded as if I didn't."

"I know." Jill softened at the sentiment.

"Are you safe?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'm sorry, too, about everything," Sam said after a moment, but he wasn't as convincing as she had been.

"Thanks." Jill petted Beef, who put his head on her lap.

"I have to say, the past few days have been an eye-opener, in some ways." Sam sounded sad and, finally, like himself.

"In what ways?"

"In just how much Abby meant to you, and where Steven and I fit in with that."

"I see," Jill said, surprised at the chill in her own tone. She didn't want to have to choose anymore. She was sick of failing tests she didn't want to take.

"Will you do it again?" Sam asked, calmly. "When Abby comes back from L.A., do we all have to jump around? The entire house in an uproar, as we're led around by a child?"

She's not a child, Jill thought but didn't say, because he was right, in part. Abby did act like a child. "I can't say I have it all figured out. I can't plan everything that far ahead. But I know I don't want you to tell me that I can't love her, either."

Sam fell silent, on the other end of the line. "You can love her all you want, but what you do for her impacts me."

"Then we'll have to work it out as we go along."

"I'll have to think about that, for a bit. I don't know if that's feasible. I can't speak to that now, and I would like not to."

"Okay, thanks." Jill felt resentment calcifying in her chest.

"So you're finished then? Back to business, no more looking for your ex's murderer?"

"Not exactly." Jill petted Beef's soft head, watching the Microsoft flag flap across her laptop screen. She knew the answer Sam wanted to hear, but she couldn't give it to him. She knew what she had to do, and she needed the freedom to do it.

"What then? What's going on?"

"If I tell you, it'll sound worse."

"What is it?"

"William was seeing someone. She's married, and I'm going to meet her."

"Why?" Sam asked, his tone astonished.

"To find out if she knows anything about his murder."

"Why on earth would his girlfriend agree to meet with his ex-wife?"

Jill usually admired the way Sam asked questions, each one leading to the next, as if challenging and testing a scientific theory. But this time, with each answer, she felt as if she were hammering another nail into her own coffin, sealing the lid over her face. "She doesn't know I'm his ex-wife."

"You didn't tell her?"

"No."

"Then how did you get her to meet with you?"

Jill didn't know what good it would do to explain. "Honestly, you don't want to know."

"You're right, I don't." Sam sighed. "Are the police involved, at all?"

"No, but I did tell them everything I know."

"So why aren't they involved with this meeting?"

"They don't think William was murdered."

"But you do."

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. And what he was up to, and who he was, and who I was, too." Jill noticed that Beef had fallen asleep sitting up, his head still in her lap. The sight made her smile, even as tense as she felt, which was the special gift of a pet. Love, devotion, and no difficult phone calls.

I'm not alone, I have Pickles.

Jill remembered, all of a sudden. It was Abby talking, in their phone conversation after that first night. Abby had a cat, Pickles, but she hadn't mentioned him to Victoria, on the phone call at the police station tonight.